The Complete Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There

Close your eyes and recall your very first “official date.” Was it back in junior high school or after college? Visualize the total experience, where did it take place? Were you excited to be with him/her or was it more of a chance to try “dating?” Were you comfortable being with him or was it awkward? Did you have dates that turned into relationships or were you more of a serial dater?

Other than accepting a boy’s I.D. bracelet in sixth grade, my first “official date” was in high school. The subsequent dates were more about the perks of dating versus boys that I enjoyed being with. These guys came with benefits such as; I’d have a date for the Homecoming Dance, or because his dad let him drive the bright green Cadillac. Senior year I started dating a guy named, Tommy who was actually fun to be with, but had an added bonus of being a college boy at Northwestern. It held a lot of value until I myself left for college. Being free to date in college, experimenting sexually, and falling in love changed the landscape of dating for me. Meeting my husband and getting married right out of college, put an end to my dating, or did it?

Fast-forward your mental slideshow 10-30 years. Call to mind your first date as a widow or divorcee with kids and an ex-husband.

What was that first date like for you? Did you get fixed up or did he ask you out after meeting you in a bar? Were you feeling the same awkwardness as you did back in high school? Was your confidence level the same or different dating this time around?

My lack of dating in my 20s and 30s had its pluses and minuses when it was time for me to get back out there. On one hand, I had plenty of self-confidence having never experienced rejection. On the other hand, I was naïve and therefore vulnerable - akin to a lamb going off to slaughter. I didn’t know the little nuances of being single such as; you don’t have to talk to a boring stranger at a bar for an hour if he buys you a drink, or you don’t have to give your phone number out just to be polite. Blind dates never made me nervous. I never worried that the guy wouldn’t call me for a second date; rather I worried as to how I could let him down without hurting his feelings.  I wasn’t in a hurry to find a “new husband,” as much as I was interested in having some fun and companionship. Each one of us has a unique history of dating both early on and after a relationship dissolves. It’s up to us to remember this because all these past memories, thoughts and feelings have shaped us.

Recall the difficulties that occurred in your last relationship.

I’m sorry to tell you, but you played a part in those issues, and unless you realize what it was, it’ll likely recur. There are always two sides to every story, find out what the other side to your story may have been by doing some self-reflecting and/or see a therapist.

Find out why you chose the person you married. Did you think he had problems that would change after you tied the knot? Did you see the red flags from day one? Were you a victim of someone with a shotgun forcing you to marry a crazy lunatic, or were you attracted to a certain trait or did he just not meet your expectations. My husband loved to gamble and took a lot of risks. From business decisions, to online poker, to driving recklessly at times, he loved to gamble. Years after he passed away, I realized that my boyfriend had those same tendencies. I had to accept him the way he is, and as the Billy Joel song goes, “I love you just the way you are.” Looking back at your last marriage or relationship, did you “grow apart,” and what can you do to make sure you “grow together” in the next relationship.

Close your eyes again –visualize what kind of person you want to be on a physical and mental level.

Are you that person? What can you do to become that image? One of my favorite Buddhist quotes is, “What you think, you become.” Make it happen! Go to the gym, see a shrink, get a new job, style your hair, and/or join a charitable organization and make your vision a reality. It’ll help your confidence level immensely. Men love confident, happy and independent women. You’ll have more power to choose the man rather than settling for who chooses you.

Create a mental list of people who can help spread the word that you’re ready to date?

People are not mind readers. Don’t assume that friends, co-workers and family members know that you’re ready to get back out there. They need to have seeds planted that you’re available, and it would be a good thing for them to fix you up with someone. I highly recommend that you try online dating or a dating service. You must find single friends of either sex to go out with. Don’t shy away from going out alone to the local bar, and making friends with the bartender. He can tell you who’s single and who’s married. He’ll let you know the truth about the guys hitting on you. I’ve had a married man tell me he’s single only to be outed by the bartender. Making “New” single friends and Keeping the “Old” married ones -like the Brownie Troupe motto goes - is one of the most essential parts to being single and happy. You’ll need to have a group of singles, so if one’s busy, there will be others to choose from. The new friends can help you with your passions or careers and other aspects besides socializing. It’s networking at it’s finest! I’ve connected with some fantastic women who’ve shared their friends with me. Forming new relationships with single women who’ve gone through similar life altering circumstances can be comforting and enlightening. You can also meet new single friends through charity and religious organizations. Social media sites like Facebook are also great resources for making new connections.

Picture yourself on a date. What do you look like?

Would you run a marathon without getting in shape both physically and mentally? Of course not! If you’re serious about finding a partner, you need to be prepared. Be confident about your physical appearance. Thankfully you aren’t competing with 20 something year old bodies - your competition is fighting gravity and aging just like you. Everyone has grey hairs and stretch marks. My friend Toni says, “Those are your natural tattoos.” You need to choose to either do something about the extra flab around your waste or embrace it. If certain things like discolored teeth and a few wrinkles bother you, sell some stuff on EBAY and you’re your teeth whitened and a shot of Botox. It’s worth it if it gives you confidence. As far as your mental state, therapy is the best present you can give yourself. There are agencies that have sliding scales if cost is a deterrent. The other easy solution to feeling great mentally is getting your natural endorphins going with an exercise regimen. Find something you love doing; running, cycling, yoga or zumba, and put it into your week as a high priority. The endorphin rush will help revitalize you, and put you in a great mood (at least for 45 minutes afterwards.) Use the Internet and watch videos on (here comes a plug) YouTube like The KarenLeePoter Show. Go to the library, there are whole sections on self-help.

Envision signing a contract to never date a married man.

Make this a rule and if you think you are vulnerable to falling for one, tell your friends and have them make you accountable. I have personally been victim to someone who said seven years ago that he was getting divorced, and is still married today. Another married guy claimed to have been a widower, until a mutual friend told me that she was alive and kicking. Unfortunately the world is full of married men preying on single women. Here are some reasons why being with a married man is a no win situation; you aren’t a home wrecker, you wouldn’t want that to happen to you, and he’ll probably cheat on you. You have to be number one and have self-respect or no one will respect you.

Create a list of dos and don’ts on first dates. Here are some suggestions:

Do be honest, be yourself, and look happy. No matter how bad your day is going, turn it around and be positively radiant. If you don’t think you look good, force a smile on your face. This will work wonders. Don’t allow text only conversations before a date. Talk at least once to make sure he’s legit. Don’t reveal too much about yourself before or on the first date. Do think of it as fun and not as a job interview. Don’t be negative. Nobody wants to hear about the hostility you have for your ex-spouse. Don’t have sex on the first date, unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do. Do ask questions and listen to the answers. This will provide you with the information you need about his past and a possible future with you. Don’t drink too much. Do use good table manners, yes it’s common sense, but needs to be said. Don’t answer your cell phone unless it’s a necessity- if you need to have it with you, put it on silent. No texting either unless it’s an emergency. Do give good eye contact and warm body language. Do offer to pay for the bill or at least split it. Do remember to thank the person for the date no matter how it turns out Do be polite to the waiter or bartender. Your date is watching you too.

Be alert to RED flags on the first date. These are some actual statements - I kid you not:

“I want to be upfront with you, I had prostrate cancer and if we have sex, you’ll need to press a button on a penis pump that I wear.” “I would only date someone who can help me pay my mortgage.” “I won’t be able to kiss you tonight because I have a giant cancer sore in my mouth. I also am on medication for depression and anxiety.” “My ex is a c@*!t.” “I’m not working right now because I’m waiting for my Dad to pass away at which point I’ll inherit a lot of money.”

Plan your “How Stella Got Her Groove On” night ahead of time.

Only go to this step if you plan on being in a monogamous relationship. You deserve to be more than a one-night stand no matter how long it’s been since you last had sex. Don’t worry about being naked. Your partner will be naked too. Everyone is self-conscious and that’s why Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and the dimmer switch to go with it. Wear sexy lingerie! Men are visual creatures, and the image of you in a teddy will linger long after this night. Speaking from past experience, test-drive the lingerie especially if it has a lot of hooks. I had a particularly stressful experience with “thigh highs.” Prepare for the night in advance. If possible set the mood with candles, massage oil, condoms, and get rid of the kids. A quick note about condoms - use them no matter what your partner says. If he says he hasn’t had sex in 20 years with any one other than his wife, wear a condom anyway.  If he says he was living in a monastery in Tibet, wear a condom anyway. Don’t trust anyone until you see the lab report that says he is clean. A friend of mine found out the hard way when a guy didn’t divulge that he had herpes.

Be honest with your partner about your fears and/or anxieties about sex. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this, don’t have sex ‘cause you’re not ready. Communication is the key to having great sex. You don’t need to point out your C-section scars the first time, but you need to express any concerns that may prevent you from having an enjoyable experience. As your relationship progresses, you will need to feel comfortable enough to attempt different positions, role play or tell him/her what uniquely pleases you. This can only be done (unless he’s psychic) if it’s communicated. Please remember that things are different now than back in the hippie days. This means that you’ll need to trim the hair on your private parts. If you’ve never done it, you may find that it’s surprisingly erotic. Being clean and groomed will add to feeling sexy and confident.

Think about your sexual needs. Are you capable of having a “friend with benefits?”

Many newly single people go through a period of renewed adolescence. This can last anywhere from four months to 40 years. After being in a long-term relationship or marriage, being single can be lonely and one way to comfort yourself is through physical affection – simply put you’re horny and you want to have sex. Being able to have sex with whomever you want is a major perk to being single. This sudden unleashing of sexual restrictions can be liberating as long as it’s done safely. There are problems that can occur both physically and psychologically if you jump into sex without thinking of the consequences. Think about how you felt the first time you lost your virginity. A lot of the feelings of anxiety and excitement are similar when you pop your cherry the second time around. You may be more confident about sex now than at nineteen, but sex is still a very intimate activity and your feelings may get hurt as a result. I found this new found sexual freedom it be exciting, but on a few occasions depressing. A friend with benefits is all that you may want or can handle if you’re newly single. You may be so overwhelmed with your new life that anything more than a sexual relationship would be too complicated. If you have great sex with this person, you may end up fantasizing that this may turn into more. Friends with benefits may work, but you both need to be of a similar mindset. This is no easy feat, and communicating is key once again.

Realize the advantages and disadvantages of texting and sexting.

We didn’t grow up texting. Texting is much easier than having to pick up the phone or have a discussion in person. It’s also easier to be misunderstood and the problem is that once the text is out there, you can’t take it back. It sometimes ends up going to the wrong Adam or Kevin (oops.) I’ve personally read, and re-read a text several times trying to get to the deeper meaning, only to find out that there wasn’t one.

Sexting takes it one step further. Sexting is sending naked pictures or writing provocative texts in emails or on cell phones. It can be a lot of fun, and it also can get you into a lot of trouble. Sexting can give you a false sense of closeness since it’s easy to be brazen when you only have to press a few buttons. Be careful of what you send that can come back and bite you in the butt. If you send a nude picture and get into a fight with that person, you may find that photo on someone’s Facebook wall. I’ve seen this happen on at least two occasions.

Close those eyes one more time, and envision the person with whom you’d want to ride off with into the sunset.

What does he look, sound, or act like? Now open your eyes. If that person isn’t standing in front of you, it’s because he doesn’t exist. There is no perfect person out there. You need to come to the realization that the Prince isn’t going to come riding in on a white horse and sweep you off your feet. You are going to have to compromise (not settle) on what you want. If having great character is important, then you may not get the gorgeous multimillionaire. You may get the shorter than you’d like sweetheart of a guy. On the other hand, you should never accept a man because he has two arms, two legs and a penis. If you’re looking for a “Sugar Daddy,” you may not get a great companion. You may happen to fall in love with someone of a completely different religion, race or age. Try to think out of the box. Back to me: I’m currently dating a man who’s years younger than me. This was NOT something I was actively seeking when we met. Try to be open to being with someone different who you really click with and then go for it.

There's No Such Thing As A "Natural Beauty" Unless You're 18 Or Khaleesi

There's no such thing as a "natural beauty" unless you're 18 years old or you're Khaleesi! I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for saying this. The feminists reading this are probably staging a revolution at this very moment to ban me from writing future newsletters, but I'm being honest. Ali Wentworth (actress married to George Stephanopoulos) wrote a book, "Happily Ali After" in which she describes her plastic surgery to reduce the bags under her eyes. She states, "It started to really eat away at me. I just wanted to fix it and make it go away." Bravo Ali! Thanks for your frank openness. Let's be real, as women we innately thrive by looking and feeling the best we can. When I first became single, I told a friend that I was glad I had lost so much weight from grieving 'cause losing weight was one less thing I'd need to worry about going back into the dating scene. She was horrified! "Men aren't going to care if you're overweight," she stated indignantly. Um I beg to differ! After being in the single's world for many years, nothing could be more spot on. Maybe a few pounds aren't going to make or break a date, but a lot of extra poundage is going to turn those guys off big time. Ali says, "Richard Gere has white hair, and everyone's still like, "Oh, he's so sexy.' But believe me, if he had a wife with white hair, everyone would go, 'Why is Richard Gere married to this old lady?' It's a double standard, but it's not going to change for a long time." I couldn't agree more, stop trying to fight city hall, color your freakin hair and go to the gym. That's all for now. Hehe, I told you I'd be back to writing more superficial less Buddhist stuff than my last newsletter based on the "Serenity Prayer." But come to think of it, maybe this one falls under "the courage to change the things I can." To see last week's newsletter click here.

This book will change your life!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP8Pfil_huo

Tired of sex being 5 minutes or less?

We all know women take longer to get in the mood. Foreplay is king for us girls. What happens to those guys who can't seem to last more than a few minutes during the actual act of sex? This can be disappointing to both men and women. It can be traumatic if it happens repeatedly. Good news! There is a product that will help men maintain their erection without climaxing so quickly. It's called Promescent! The great thing about Promescent is that it can be titrated out to the exact needs of the guy while having no effect on the woman. It gets absorbed into the shaft of the penis so there is no loss of sensation for the woman and the man can even wash it off after the application. This could be a wonder product that may save your relationship. Try it by clicking here: Watch my video: Cougar Hot Tips: How Men Can Last Longer In Bed

REVIEWS ARE IN!

The reviews are in - 5 stars for my book, "A Cougar's Guide To Getting Your ASS Back Out There!" Here's a note  I received that made my eyes well up with tears of joy:

Good evening Karen,

I received your book today, and just finished it moments ago.  I have a question:  On page 45, you mentioned a situation where a man said something along the lines of "I need to inform you that due to my prostate cancer, I need to press a button on my penis pump if we have sex."  Is this based on an actual event?  Has this dialogue been dropped on you?  It made me laugh hysterically, and strike fear in my heart (amongst other places) at the same time. 

Whilst that was a notable moment, it wasn't the most meaningful for me.  I especially enjoyed reading chapter 8, Redefining the Word Cougar, and chapter 11, The Cougar Effect. 

I could really relate to each of the aspect laid out in chapter 8.  As stated previously, I don't appreciate the negative connotations associated with the word cougar.  I really enjoyed reading each part of what makes cougars exceptional in your eyes. 

I must say chapter 11 was my favorite part.  I could relate 100% to the characteristics of the Cougar effect.  It has been a part of my life for 5 years, and I have learned to embrace it all. 

Ultimately, the book as a whole held a greater meaning for me in terms of the women in my life right now.  I have many friendships will older women.  Some I have dated, some are only friends.  However, I speak with them quite often about the subject of dating and the obstacles that come with age.  Every one of them have expressed self doubt about their appearance, their confidence, and their overall zeal. 

Your book literally addresses each and every concern, and how to overcome each barrier.  Right now I am trying to decide which one of my friends needs this book the most, because they ALL DO.  I'm actually considering purchasing additional copies. 

In summation, I had high expectations for this book, and I am happy to say that they were met, and then some.  I am very proud of you in the fact that you're bringing this culture to light.  I commend you for your efforts. 

I will be headed to Amazon right after this to write my review. 

Have a wonderful evening and keep up the good work :)

Best regards,

Steve

Top 10 Things You Don't Know About KarenLee Poter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgQOy6DOhs4 Hilarious and truthful video about ten things you didn't know about KarenLee. Based on David Letterman's retirement and his top 10 lists, you'll love this tribute and the inside info on KarenLee.

Have You Discussed Your Sexual Boundaries?

“It's Ok For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys.” I received this message from a guy named, Sam: "Hi Karen. Can you advise? After a mostly happy marriage no sooner had the kids left home than my wife told me that she wanted to live a little. She had been brilliant and forgiven for me for two affairs I'd had when I was younger, but has now announced that this is her time. As if to prove it she's had cosmetic surgery, including a boob enhancement, and has now got herself a young stud that is apparently built like a stallion! She now says size and youth definitely do matter for her, and as I'm lacking when compared with him in both respects, I've just got to get over it. Although it was a shock at first I've now adjusted to her going out on the town with her young stud, with her looking like a million dollars and then coming home in the early hours to have sex in our marital bed while I'm next door trying to sleep in the spare room. It's not like she's out every night, and we're really happy in almost every other respect. But she's made it clear she won't give up her Cougar lifestyle either. And to be honest, I'm ok with that. What do you think?" My first reaction was one of shock - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Would anyone be ok with this situation? Then I got to thinking about it and thought hmmm if he's "ok" with it, what's the problem?

Here was my response: "Simple - If you're both ok, then leave it be. Hopefully she'll get it out of her system and that'll be that. Just make sure that you're both being honest with each other. It sounds like you're not a 100% into it from the tone of it, but that's something you'll have to examine further. Communication is key!"

Sam's next message provided more insights: "I believe that I've done the right thing by supporting Dana in her Cougar life style and being relaxed about her inviting young men to stay over in our house. Incidentally, it was partly a safety thing on my part - I felt better that Dana was safe and sound in our home while pursuing her new lifestyle. Also, I didn't mention that I'm fifteen years older than Dana and happier on the golf course than making out in bed these days! - so I felt she deserved a bit of action. Just didn't realize she'd be so popular with athletic guys in their twenties! Also, and it can be hard for a guy to admit this, she's always had a much stronger libido than me, and I've always had this sense that she needed more, both on the size and motion in the ocean front than I could give her. So it's kind of payback time. Dana has agreed to let me film her having sex with her young stud, Donnie. I can't help but be fascinated by what they get up to together, and I'm kind of proud that Dana can attract such hot young men. But they are lucky to have her too. I must be a voyeur! - I had no idea until now."

This led me to create an exciting video, “It's OK For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys” for my Internet channel, The KarenLee Poter Show. In the video, I talk about online dating (hook up) websites such as Ashley Madison, and the importance of an “agreement” between a couple on what sexual behavior is or isn't allowed. That agreement should be routinely visited if it’s anything other than monogamy. The comments from the viewers on my YouTube channel are particularly interesting. What are YOUR sexual boundaries?

Here’s the last message I received from Sam in response to my viewers' comments: "I don't want to join in, nor do I want to go chasing after younger women. I've learnt my lesson on that score, and I'm not really interested. Plus stop press, they let me sit in on one of their sessions by way of research for the proposed movie, and it was everything I hoped it would be - and more some. Thank you so much for your excellent advice."

Hot Off The Press: Get Your Copy Of My Book!

I'm so excited to announce that my book, "A Cougar's Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There," is here! Get your copy of this life changing book. Learn why my new definition of the term Cougar is a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive and racy woman. Read personal letters and see photos of my life as a shy girl who emerged to become a strong and  confident woman. Find out how I've overcome huge obstacles, maintained a sense of humor, and found love again. It's all in this guide which will take you on a step by step journey to physical, emotional, and sexual empowerment. Click the book below and after you read it, please write a review on Amazon. Enjoy!

4, 3, 2, 1 Recap In New York City

This past Mother's Day weekend was one of the best. Why? Because I spent the weekend in New York City with my favorite (and only) daughter, Jessica. Jessica has been obsessed with musical theater since she was five years old. An example of her enthusiasm for the theater: she won a show tunes trivia contest at age eleven on a cruise ship against several women in their 50s. Jess currently lives in Los Angeles and found a ridiculously cheap rate to fly in for a week to our hometown, Chicago. I decided to sweeten the pot and suggested using miles to fly us to NYC. We used Magellan Luxury Hotels to find a hotel. If they find a lower rate, they adjust your price per night. My rate went down twice! We thought we were staying in Times Square, but oops, I made the res for the Grand Hyatt. It worked out great - it's just a typical KarenLee Poter move to book the wrong hotel. Here's the 4,3,2,1 Recap of our phenomenal weekend in New York City:

• 4 Amazing Broadway Shows: 1) "Fish in the Dark" - Larry David's Broadway debut! Really funny & a great combo of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld. Great acting with similar characters as the two TV shows. Stood in a mass of crazy fans and waited to meet Larry after the show. I asked him if he had advice for any budding standup comic. His response: "Yeah, tell him to pick a different career." 2) "Something Rotten" - Our favorite due to it being so irreverent and funny. It references minimally 30 different musicals. The music is fun and goofy. The acting, singing and dancing is amazing. I think it should win the Tony for best musical and Brian d'Arcy James should win best actor - just saying. 3) "Fun Home" - my least fav of the four, but it's still really well done. It takes on two heavy-duty topics: suicide and lesbians. The two women next to me were crying, hugging and making out afterwards. I literally had to interrupt their embrace to allow my daughter to get to the bathroom since there was no intermission. Once again, terrific acting and music make this a really good Broadway show. 4) "Hand To God" - one word: INSANE! I can't express how bizarrely funny yet emotional this play is. It tackles subjects like religion, the devil made me do it, and self- mutilation - in a humorous way. Did I mention puppets are involved? The Steven Boyer and Geneva Carr also should win Tonys if I had a say in this year's awards.
• 3 Delicious Meals: Russ and Daughters a family-owned shop of high-end smoked fish, caviar & New York-style specialty foods since 1914. Orgasmic is the first word that comes to mind after biting into this lox and bagel delight. We even met Mark Russ the owner. We went to Nino's 46  for some pre-theater dinner great Italian cuisine. We ate Mac and Cheese bites and Orecchiette with wood roasted chicken. Ok, I admit this wasn't on my raw foods diet, but what the heck, I was on vacation! Radiance Tea House had some of the finest dumplings I've ever tasted. We ordered too much food , so we took a to-go bag of baby eggplant with chili and gave it to a hungry guy on the street. One sad thing I noted was that Mr. Softee Ice Cream is no longer in NYC. Apparently they've been bought out.   
• 
• 2 Chicks Singing:  We rarely spend any ALONE time so we did some mom/daughter bonding, walking and singing. Yup, we ended up in two bars. The first, Whitman & Bloom is a cute bar where one of Jessica's friends - Casey Breve sang as his father played the piano. Casey is a contender on next season's America's Got Talent. Make sure to watch him because he truly has talent. Here is a link to his latest single. Jessica and her friends took turns singing with Casey. It was an awesome night. The other bar is one of Jessica's favorites - Marie's Crisis. This is a crazy venue where throngs of people sing show tunes (full soundtracks) at the top of their lungs around a piano. It's a trip!
• 1 Dead Rat: Yes, we found one dead rat while walking down the street.
• Here is the poor soul. 

Does Your Vagina Have A Personal Trainer? Read This!

If I tell you that I have a personal trainer who has made a world of difference in my abs and butt muscles, you'll listen up - right? So listen up: I'm hear to tell you about a personal trainer for a private area that is very important and rarely discussed - YOUR VAGINA! She's not a live person, in fact she's only about two inches long, but boy does she work wonders! I've always heard about kegel muscles and how important it is to strengthen them, but had no clue what this meant. That all ended when I tried, Lelo's Luna Smart Bead. It is a game changer! In a few short weeks I've advanced from beginner to intermediate kegel muscle pro. I hope to be at the advanced level soon! How does this very personal trainer work? You insert the sleek Luna Smart Bead in your vagina as instructed for five minutes a day. Upon insertion you'll feel a vibration which means it's time to squeeze your vagina, and then relax after the vibration stops. Lelo calls this "personalized pleasure training." Basically you contract and relax through an easy-to-follow routine that is touch-sensored. She's battery operated and waterproof too!

There are several reasons why you should follow the guidance of your vagina personal trainer. The major benefit I find is that my orgasms are stronger. It's also easier to reach a climax and enables me to be in a more sexual mood. Your partner will feel the difference as well - especially years after childbirth and the earth's gravitational pull. Another benefit - you'll have more bladder control! No more laughing and peeing at the same time! You'll probably save money on panty liners. Find out more in this fun video: My Vagina's Personal Trainer - Kegel Exercises 101. Purchase your Lelo Luna Smart Bead - click here

Raw Fit Protein Powder - Why I love it!

Are you someone who is constantly trying to balance the battle with gravity pulling everything down, weight gain in the wrong places, exercising without breaking anything, and good nutrition? – Please note: I didn’t say DIET! If you answered yes to any of those, you’re like me – someone trying to look and feel great for as long as humanely possible. Without boring you with the particular “lifestyle change” I’m on right now i.e. DIET, I’d like to tell you about a protein powder I’ve enjoyed. Everyone’s into protein powders lately, so I’ve researched and found the best one for my needs. It’s called: Garden of Life’s Raw Fit.

Usually a product that is vegan, organic, raw, dairy free, gluten free, and soy free tastes like a piece of chalk, right? Not the case here – in fact there are three different flavors and they all taste great.

I was immediately skeptical because the label states that it fights cravings, burns fat and satisfies hunger. After trying them, believe it or not, they live up to those statements. I enjoy the taste and I feel more energized.

Here’s my morning smoothie recipe:

Blend a handful of green leafy vegetables, half of a cucumber, a cup of almond milk, 4 ice cubes with a scoop of Raw Fit. Find out more click here

Would You Take A Walk On The Wild Side?

It’s Saturday night; you’re out with your buddies at a hot trendy club. You spot a very attractive woman from across the bar. She makes eye contact and smiles at you. Your heart thumps as you approach her. She laughs at your jokes and touches your thigh. You feel extremely aroused. You wonder; can I be this lucky? You ask her if she’d like to go someplace quieter. She nods, grabs your hand and suggests going to your place.You get to your door and begin kissing her passionately. You notice her breasts peeking out of her low cut silky blouse. She places your hand on her butt and you start unbuttoning her top. She starts to unzip your jeans and feels your super hard cock. You still haven’t had a chance to turn on the lights, as you lead her into your bedroom. You start to unbutton her skintight jeans, when suddenly you feel a bump that’s definitely not supposed to be there. IT’S A PENIS! Would you continue to have some form of sexual encounter knowing that you’re with a person who has male parts? I posed this question to a friend of mine who has an affinity towards having sex with “trannies.” He considers himself heterosexual. He believes that most men would have some type of sex if put in the situation described above. Bruce Jenner’s openness about his decision to release his inner woman has prompted me to pose this question to the males who watch my YouTube channel, “The KarenLee Poter Show.” In the episode, “What If "SHE" Turned Out To Be "HE?" I asked my viewers what they’d do if this happened to them. Here’s a sampling of their responses:

“No. No. No, I would not continue! I would be extremely disgusted. Then I would be extremely angry! Look...that is being deceitful and IMHO full disclosure is required! I don't have issue with Transgender men. If that is how they feel, but a potential sexual partner should know what they are getting into.”

“I would kill that fucker on the spot”

“Definitely no way. If I wanted to be with a man, Id stay home and jerk off. hahaha.”

“People can do whatever they want with their bodies, BUT, Not telling a guy something that drastic is not going to put them at the top of the popularity list. They have a responsibility to tell the truth about their sexuality, period.”

“Deception appears to be a BIG no no. It is one thing to watch some tv show about them/celebs or get makeup tips from one. It is totally different when it is only about what you want from your significant other/lover.”

“It depends on the man, if he is comfortable with transgender, its ok, if he wants all woman, he would be nice and let the transgender woman know that he wants all woman. Some men goes both ways, some men wants all woman. For one thing, the transgender woman should let the man know before it gets any deeper.”

“No real man wants to waste his time talking to a man in a dress with plastic tits. only a gay man would be interested in a trannie. you lie about your sex to trick men into gay sex then, you deserve any retaliation sent your way.”

“My honest opinion; I prefer the natural-born(real) woman. I know guys who like transgenders, but that's just not my scene.”

After reading these comments, it seems that the main issue is the deception. The false advertising as a biological female and the feeling that you were “duped” can produce anger, which may lead to violence. There are men who may be comfortable enjoying sex with either males or females as long as they know what they’re dealing with from the start. There are also men who are ashamed and afraid to admit that they’d go for it. The 1948 Kinsey Report states: 37% of males had a least some overt homosexual experience to orgasm. I found this comment to be one of the most honest: “Is he/she gonna take care of my hardon? If so. I think id just go for it then never speak of it again.”

What would you do? Would you run for the hills or would you as Lou Reed puts it, “Take A Walk On The Wild Side?”

The Dawning Of The Selfish Orgasm

My friend, Ronna asked, “Karen, how do I know if I had an orgasm?” Scratching my head, I asked, “Have you ever masturbated?”

Her response, “No, but I have great sex with my husband.”

I firmly stated, “Ronna, you need to have a selfish orgasm.”

Ronna’s expression was like a deer caught in a truck’s headlights.

I thought: Is it possible that a 32-year-old woman had never masturbated and achieved an orgasm? Are there others out there with the same lack of orgasmic experience? This is a tragedy! Men talk about masturbating all the time. You hear male comedians constantly referring to “rubbing one out” or “whacking off” without a moment’s hesitation. Women tend to keep their masturbation hidden. I love nothing more than bringing up the subject with my friends. There are some who talk openly about their favorite vibrators, but there are others who are mortified to broach the subject. I want to scream, “Women, come out of the closet!” No pun intended on the use of the word, “come.” I feel that orgasms deserve the same equality as equal pay. It’s the dawning of the selfish orgasm for women.

What does it mean to have a selfish orgasm? It’s about having a delicious mindful orgasm without thinking about anyone else. Having an orgasm without worrying what your partner is thinking or feeling is liberating. If you’re in charge of your orgasm, you can regulate the timing and intensity. You can use toys, read sexy books, or watch porn while enjoying a stress free purely self-absorbed experience. Fantasizing plays a huge part in the build up to an orgasm. It’s a lot easier to focus on this alone, rather than simultaneously trying to balance the needs of your partner. Checking out your vagina in a mirror while playing with yourself can be a huge turn-on as well as a learning experience. How will you know what really gets your motor going if you haven’t tried out your vehicle first? You have the owner’s manual and learning what makes you purr is an individual process. Additionally, if you want to enjoy the same orgasmic bliss with a partner, you’ll have to school him as to what works for you. Once you figure out those details, you can articulate them to him (or her.) If you currently don’t have a partner, it’s all the more reason to keep your body sexually tuned up.

Having a selfish orgasm is giving yourself the pleasure that you deserve. It’s time to enjoy the benefits of being a woman, so explore, enjoy, and explode. Watch my video, "Why Women Should Masturbate."

My Music Freak Is Back On!

What music gets you going? So many of my memories were made listening to songs over and over when I was in high school and college. I especially loved disco, Motown and classic rock. I have to admit I was a bit of a showtunes geek as well. A live concert was my happy place. Upon graduating and entering the work force, music sadly took a back seat. It re-surfaced when I gave birth to my three children, but most of that was kid oriented like, "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Twinkle Twinkle." I lost at least a decade of great stuff, but I knew every Raffi and Sesame Street Song. Don't cry for me Argentina, because my music addiction is back with a vengenance! I'm crazy about Indi and folk rock lately  due to the influence of my  boyfriend. When he first introduced me to it, I grumbled that it wasn't Earth Wind & Fire. Gradually I began to open my ears to a bunch of different genres of music. Music is once again a big part of my life! I can't imagine working out, making love or chilling with friends without it. I'm always excited when one of my kids introduces me to new song - they have thankfully outgrown "Mary Had A little Lamb." I frequently go to my happy places -concerts, and hear great live versions from artists such as Arcade Fire and Spoon.

Because music makes my heart soar, and I'm a super generous person, I have decided to share two playlists with you. My "WORKOUT" playlist is self explanatory, and my LOVE" playlist - well that's for you to decide when to whip out. Enjoy and please email me your thoughts. Sign up for my email list to receive updates on music and a whole bunch more!

A Cougar's Committed Relationship

A Cougar’s Committed Relationship - Seven Years Later, Still Going Strong “Love is like a virus, it can happen to anybody at anytime.” Maya Angelou

I'm a cougar. I'm also a widow. May 16, 2006, my husband of 24 years was tragically killed, and I became single at the ripe old age of 47. I was happily married to my husband, who was only a year older than me, and wasn't aware that I had the "cougar gene" in me until his death. After an intense period of mourning, I decided I needed male companionship, but wasn't ready to jump into a "serious" relationship. The term “cougar” implies an older woman on the prowl for her prey - a “cub” or much younger man. I wasn’t “on the prowl”; in fact the young men pursued me. Although it was fun, I was completely unprepared for the flirting and aggressive questions that I encountered from men in their twenties and thirties, such as, “How long has it been since you’ve had sex?” or “Have you ever done it with another girl?” I had been in the "married" world most of my adult life, and never went through the dating scene. I have to admit, it was very flattering to be "hit on" by younger men.  My daughter aged 22 informed me that an older man pursuing a girl in her twenties is considered “creepy.” Conversely, there seems to be an unwritten code in the 21st century that promotes younger men being with older women. These young cubs had confidence, a full head of hair, muscular bodies, and dressed well.  At clubs, they bought us drinks and offered us seats at their VIP tables with bottle service. In one instance, a wealthy younger man who was interested in me actually paid a bouncer to keep annoying guys away from one of my friends. I was initially very naïve, and didn't realize that you don’t give your cell phone number to every guy who asked, because you’ll get texted or called at 4 am.  On more than one occasion, a guy would call asking intrusive questions about my sexual fantasies or describe in a text how great sex would be with him. Guys would beg me to send naked photos (I never did), or occasionally texted unsolicited pictures of their proudly displayed penises.

Why would a guy in his late 20's or early 30's want someone who's older with three kids and stretch marks? Why not choose the younger nubile bodies of girls their age? I asked a few of my younger men what their reasons were, and they'd say, “Older women are hot.” My guess is that they were attracted to my confidence, and the lack of pressure that I placed on them to be involved in a relationship. I didn't want to get married, I didn't want their money, and I certainly didn't want to have their babies. All I wanted was to have fun. Knowing that these were not going to be long-term relationships made it simple, and enjoyable at a time when my life was frequently unstable.

Going out with men my age was a different ballgame. Often this required me to listen to stories of wicked exes and the massive amounts of money they lost paying alimony and child support.  Many of the guys had negative feeling towards women after being in failed marriages. Additionally, keeping in shape and well groomed didn’t seem to be a high priority for many older gents. There weren’t a lot of widowers in their 40’s, so most available men are either divorced or have never been married. To summarize, I found younger guys to be more desirable. They hadn’t been married, and had more positive untainted views of women than their older divorced male counterparts.

This was my life as an “untamed” cougar from Chicago, IL until I met Steve. This tall, handsome, 33-year-old man wasn’t looking to be involved in a relationship and neither was I.  Our worlds collided on February 29, 2008 - a leap year, when my friend Susie and I crashed Steve’s company’s private party at “The Pink Elephant” in New York City. We were only in New York for one night, and what began as idol flirting turned into an intense attraction. Neither of us could have predicted that our long distance relationship would survive the many obstacles ahead. Steve’s devotion to me and his strong character are what attracted me to him. He’s told me on more than one occasion that what he loves most about me is my upbeat personality. We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and respect one another. Age is only a number in our eyes.

Are there challenges due to big age differences? Yes! I think a main issue can be is if a couple’s life goals are different. Thankfully, we seem to want the same things. In our case, I didn’t want any more children, and I made that clear from day one. Steve has stated that having children wasn’t a deal breaker for him. He’s always put my three children’s needs before his own, and that generosity of spirit is another of his endearing qualities. We have gone through different life passages, and we’re aware that we’ll need to continually address this together as a team. We enjoy many similar interests such as music, comedy, and travel.

Introducing a much younger man, as your boyfriend was no easy task. For instance, when a man of my age found out that I was dating Steve, some sort of macho/defensive armor arose and remarks such as; “Are you going to babysit him?” or “Do you change his diapers?” were not uncommon. Women sometimes were equally rude, and called him my “Boy Toy.” My parents were concerned that he would leave me when I started, “looking old.” His parents initially had no desire to meet me stating, “You’re wasting your time with her, since she won’t give us grandchildren.” Over the years, our family and friends have witnessed our love and devotion and now accept and appreciate us as a committed couple.

There’s a 50% divorce rate in the United States, and no guarantees that any relationship will last. For the past seven years, we’ve overcome two huge obstacles; long distance and a large age gap, and this in itself would indicate the strength of our relationship. Is he going to leave me when I “look old”? He’s probably no more likely to leave me than any same aged man would leave a partner if she “looked old.”  Do we argue and have normal relationship problems just like any other couple? Of COURSE!  Will I miss out on “the golden years” when my age group retires, and Steve is at the height of his career? My answer: He’ll keep me young! Steve explained it best once when a friend taunted him about being with me. The friend asked, “Steve, why would you want to be with an old lady?” He replied, “Karen has a young spirit and I’m attracted to that.” Will he resent me for not having his child? Again Steve said it best, “If I’m having as much fun with Karen in ten years as I do now, then all the sacrifices will be worth it.”

Read more about my life as a "COUGAR"  Watch videos on my YouTube channel: The KarenLeePoterShow

Why Do Cougars Fascinate Us? Let’s Re-define the word: COUGAR!

Why Do Cougars Fascinate Us? Let’s Re-define the word: COUGAR! Who was your favorite character on Sex and the City? Admit it, Carrie was sweet, but Samantha was fascinating. Samantha was hot! She dressed sexy, dated younger men, and wasn’t afraid to shock the others with tales of her sexual exploits. Samantha took pride in her body and mind. She was financially independent, loved her job, passionate about her friends and had a great sense of humor. Samantha was a Cougar!

I know a lot about Cougars, because I’m a Cougar. My husband of 24 years was suddenly ripped from my life, and I became a widow at age 47. I was unprepared for my metamorphosis from kitten to Cougar, but everyone’s journey is different. I’m currently in a committed relationship with a younger man, but that’s a small part of my being a Cougar. In fact, I have redefined the term cougar to mean a woman who is a: Confident, Older, Unique, Genuine, Assertive, and Racy. Any woman can possess these traits – married or single. We all have it within us, and I challenge you to release your inner Cougar!

A Cougar is CONFIDENT!

Confidence is the cornerstone to being a cougar. A cougar is confident on both physical and mental levels. She works out, eats healthy, and keeps her body fit. This doesn’t mean that you need to have the perfect body to be a cougar. Take the body you have and make it the best it can be. If you can’t afford a gym, find ways to exercise at home. We realize that we have only one body, and although gravity is pulling it down, we continually strive to make it better. Wear makeup because there’s no such thing as a natural beauty, color your hair, and accentuate the positives in the way you dress. If you have great boobs, wear low cut tops. If you like your butt, invest in a hot pair of jeans.

Your body language says EVERYTHING, so strut your stuff. Have you ever noticed that the most popular girl in high school wasn’t necessarily the prettiest or had the best figure? She did exude self-confidence! Here’s where the mental aspect to being a cougar comes into play. Cougars don’t worry about what “people” think about them. A cougar knows whom she is and what she wants to do with her life. If you follow what your gut is telling you, you will succeed. It’s that simple. This applies to how you raise your family, dealing with friends, and becoming independent of others. As you support yourself, your self-esteem rises immensely. Cougars have the inner strength to filter out the advice of judgmental “well meaning” friends and family. We go to therapists or meditate in order to clear our minds. Cougars work at keeping their bodies and minds in the best possible condition.

A Cougar is OLDER and proud to say it. As Samantha Jones states, “I’m 52, and I will rock this dress.” Your wrinkles are your war wounds. You’ve had awesome experiences in your life; raised children, worked various jobs, traveled, and survived tragedies. Cougars have had the experience to know what’s important in life. An older woman has had many great sexual experiences. You’re like a fine wine or an ancient tree. You may have a few more aches and pains, and you may have to wear reading glasses, but you have wisdom that is invaluable. Being older and wiser makes us great mothers. We’ve taken care of ourselves and therefore we’re able to impart our love and wisdom onto our kids. I have an incredibly open and honest relationship with my three children. If they want to talk about sex, drugs, or rock and roll, they know that I’m game. Who wouldn’t want this relationship with a parent? The transformation into a fully actualized Cougar takes years. This is why you don’t see too many cougars under 40.

A Cougar is UNIQUE, and that’s a good thing. If we were all the same, think how boring life would be. Cougars are women who at times can fit into the crowd, but it’s not imperative to her existence. You are a snowflake, and no two are alike. As a cougar, you’ll want to dress, act, and experience life in your own special way. If you think you’re different in a positive way, people will flock to you. Don’t stifle your fun and vibrant personality to be like every other woman your age. Be a joyful unique woman who speaks her mind. Some women lose their identity after they get married and have families. They become someone’s wife or mother, and those wonderful independent women are somehow pushed into a corner. I quit my job when I had my first child, and followed the traditional role of mother and wife. I put my heart and sole into raising three kids, and enjoyed my life for several decades focusing on everyone’s dream but my own. In speaking with many women who’ve gone through a divorce, a common theme they learned was, “Never lose YOURSELF.” If you want to date a younger guy because you have a younger spirit, don’t worry about what people will think, just go for it.

A Cougar is Genuine and doesn’t try to be someone she’s not. You shouldn’t dress or act like the person your partner wants you to be. You need to be real! I’ve seen some women try to be the prim and proper girlfriend or wife only to feel like a fraud. If you follow your gut, you’ll know who you are and how to be yourself even if you’re different than the people around you. Don’t try to fit into a crowd that makes you feel inferior because you aren’t like them. It’s very liberating to be yourself. The alternative is to feel fake and pretentious. This ultimately causes negative hostile resentment over time, and that’s not very cougar-like.

Assertive is a key component to being a true cougar. If someone hurts you and you let him, you’re teaching him that being harmful is ok. I wasn’t always outspoken, in fact I was super shy. I let kids on the playground take my pail and shovel. I was scared to participate in class. Somehow, I realized that this didn’t get my needs met and I began to speak up. Assertive is not aggressive! You don’t want to hit someone with a stick instead of calmly articulating your thoughts as to why you won’t accept the poor behavior. As a cougar you’re a role model to your family and friends. If you feel strongly about something, speak your mind and don’t hold back. Being your own advocate is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you don’t help yourself, who will? Men are definitely attracted to this strength. It’s a turn-on. They prefer independent free thinkers rather than needy, insecure, non-challenging women.

The Urban Dictionary’s definition of Racy is: “A very sexy girl, only some can pull that name off.” Cougars love to express their sexuality. They’re comfortable talking about sex. They realize the importance of sex and intimacy in a relationship. If you want to be thought of as a vibrant, sexy woman for life, then embrace that part of you. Men are attracted to women who exude confidence in their bodies and desires. Being racy in the bedroom will definitely enhance your sex life. Wearing racy clothing when it’s appropriate is fun and keeps you from becoming old and matronly. Guys can usually spot a cougar a mile away. They can tell that she’s confident in her sexuality because of the way she walks, talks, and dresses.

Are you ready to become a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive, and racy woman? Get your cougar pride going and release that inner feline. The next time you’re with your friends discussing who you identify with on “Sex and The City,” you know who to choose – Samantha!

WHEN WILL I FIND THE RIGHT ONE??

WHEN WILL I FIND THE RIGHT ONE??  My Responses To Frequently Asked Questions

Q:  What advice do you have for women who are skeptical about finding love because of their age?

A: There is no timeline for love!  It happens when it’s supposed to happen.  The most important thing for you is to find your passion and enjoy life to the fullest.  Find out what is going to make YOU happy for the rest of your life regardless of whether or not a man (of any age) is going to be involved.  Before entering into a relationship with anyone, you need to make yourself into the best person you can be, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Why would you want a man who cares more about someone’s age rather than the person inside?  Men are attracted to independent, confident women, not needy, desperate girls!

Q: How do you handle all your past negative experiences about dating and relationships?

A: A good dose of self-exploration and some therapy by a professional therapist or qualified clergy member, not a girlfriend who will just tell you what she thinks you want to hear, will serve you well as you explore your single hood. This will allow you to release a lot of past emotional baggage.  Many women (and men) have fears of being alone and get sucked into a negative, “I’ll never find anyone” state.  I think you need to stay positive and good things will happen when you least expect them!  So on the practical side, you need to work out your body AND your mind.  Increase your confidence and most of all, follow your gut instincts – they won’t let you down!

Q: How do you handle honesty about yourself and your past in a new relationship?

A: Many interactions, first dates and relationships can be disappointing.  It’s up to you to share your feelings with someone with whom you might want a relationship.  How?  By adopting the new COUGAR mentality.  Remember that you’ll need to be totally open, honest and confident if you want to move that relationship forward.  He is LUCKY to have you, but if you withhold your feelings and don’t communicate your needs, you will not get the respect that you deserve.

Q: What advice would you give a woman who thinks that sharing her feelings and emotions makes her seem clingy and needy?

A:  It’s a balance – you don’t want to suffocate a guy but you do need to let him know if you feel you aren’t being respected or appreciated.  As Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” says, “Ladies, let me give you some advice.  You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know:  Men will treat you the way you let them.  There is no such thing as ‘deserving respect’; you get what you demand from people.” If you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you.  It really is that simple!

Q: Can you share your thoughts on chemistry in a relationship.  Can it grow over time?

A: I’d be lying if I said chemistry doesn’t matter.  You feel that spark right at the beginning, and it could be based on looks, sense of humor or just a feeling.  Sometimes a smell can be the most attractive thing about a man – you know what they say about pheromones.

Q:  What can you say to women who have the tendency to idealize men and overestimate his feelings for her?

A: Red flags are not to be ignored!  Guys who own their problems and seek help for them can be keepers.  But those who are full of excuses or unresolved issues are going to be a bigger let down later on when those red flags rear their ugly heads.  Better to get these issues out on the table right away so you don’t imagine something that’s just not there.

Q:  What is your advice about when is the right time to bring sex into a relationship?

A: Have sex when it feels right.  The right guy is going to want to continue seeing you regardless of spending time in the bedroom before the moment is right for you both.

Q:  Can you share your feelings on how honesty might negatively affect your chances for a long term relationship?

A:  I can’t stress how important it is to be honest right from the beginning.  That doesn’t mean you need to bombard a guy on the first date about your unresolved issues, cheating, and other mistakes.  But as soon as it makes sense, let him know who you are and who you have been.  If he runs, better sooner than later.  That being said, all human beings have behaviors that have the possibility of turning off a potential mate.  That doesn’t mean, however, that those behaviors or habits can’t be altered, especially if you are able to communicate how they make you feel.  Some of them might be deal breakers, and only you’ll know if change is realistic.  Don’t ever think your man will just decide to change without guidance.  Sometimes they just can’t, and it’s probably better to know that upfront.  Accepting bad behavior from the beginning and then just expecting it to change later is not going to work.  That goes along with faking an orgasm – don’t EVER do it!  Let your guy know what your expectations and needs are and then lead by example.  If the guy really cares about you, he is going to want to please you and compromise about the things that aren’t working for you. The cougar would rather be alone that stuck with a smelly fish!!

Q:  What advice do you have for women who are dealing with a man who suddenly pulls away or has inconsistent behavior?

A: Sometimes relationships stall for reasons you never saw coming, but perhaps you were hiding your head in the sand or ignoring warning signs.  Believe me, you will be better off without a guy with a commitment phobia.  But there are cases where these issues can be resolved.  That doesn’t mean guys get a “get out of jail” free pass just because they suffer from occasional cold feet.  One time can be tolerated; after that, adios! Once again, instinct will serve you well.

Q:  What are your 3 top relationship tips to offer single women looking for a long term, committed relationship?

A: Be honest, confident and allow your inner light to shine through. Be positive and don’t “look” for a relationship, be “open” to one.  Having a sign that says “Stage 5 Clinger on your forehead is a sure fire way to send a date running for the hills. Give your boyfriend respect and expect to be treated the same way.  Most important tip (okay, this is #4) – HAVE FUN!

A New Cougar Has Emerged

A New COUGAR Has Emerged“A lot of people perceive women as sexy based on their outer appeal. But there’s no way to mistake if a woman is confident.” ~ Trey Songz.

There’s always a window of opportunity, it’s just whether you’re ready to open it.  I had been single for about a year and a half after my husband’s sudden death. The first six months were devastating and filled with grief.  Once the cloud of sadness began to lift, I embarked on my journey of finding my new self! I was still a mother, sister, daughter and friend, but I was no longer a wife. I found this to be scary yet liberating. I realized that dwelling on the past was a waste of time. Time took on a new meaning and importance.

Who was I? I had a need to discover my passions and improve the person who I had ignored for the past few decades by focusing on my family. I loved being a wife and full-time mother of three, but it was now MY time. I realized that going out to dinner with my married friends was comforting, but I needed more excitement. I discovered that trying to date the single men who I had known for years was not going to work. I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone and into the unknown singles world.

I took an inventory of my mental and physical assets and deficits. I found that exercise helped me in both areas.  Reading self-help books and seeing a therapist were both beneficial, but talking to other widows and divorcees was what I craved. They gave me tips from their years of dating as an older chick. I loved the attention I received when I went to singles bars. I felt like a teenager, with an added bonus, which was the experience I obtained from having been in a successful marriage. I loved myself and had been loved

I ventured out with single women and enjoyed the freedom that comes with being unattached. I felt comfortable talking to guys as they approached me in restaurants or bars. I wasn’t looking for my next husband. I was just out to have FUN and find a companion or two along the way.  My secret to my becoming this free spirited woman can be summed up in one word: C.O.U.G.A.R.

No, I wasn’t looking to de-flower young innocent men as the stigma implied. I was evolving into a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive, and racy woman. I felt confident in the knowledge that I was a good, intelligent, fun person with many attributes. I was older and wise with experience in multiple areas such as; marriage, family, travel, work, and sex. I focused on my unique positive qualities and pushed aside my insecurities. I refused to miss an opportunity to meet a new man by waiting for him to approach me. I was assertive and initiated conversations in coffee shops, gyms, and grocery stores without hesitation. Men seemed to be attracted to me because of the energy that I exuded. Did I dress sexy and youthful? Hell Yes! Was I comfortable talking to men about any racy subject? Of course I was. I decided that the race, religion or age of the men I met was not going to be a factor in my quest for companionship. I didn’t look for a man who fit societal norms. I was completely reliant on my intuition. This was very empowering. Were younger and older men attracted to the woman I had become? What do you think? A new Cougar had emerged.

Check out my videos about older women dating on my YouTube Channel: The KarenLee Poter Show. Read further about my definition of COUGAR on my website.

The difference between an informed lover and an ignorant dude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK7vGGBroAk "I wrote dat chapter a looooong time ago :))" This is a post I received on my facebook wall after I shared my interview with celebrity porn star and sex educator, #NinaHartley - "How to perform amazing oral sex on a woman (part 1) with Nina Hartley."

Sorry dude, but if you watched and learned anything from this video, it's that there's always room to learn and that all women are unique. We are all lovely snowflakes with different beautiful vaginas! How can you really boast about "writing dat chapter" as if there was nothing to learn from someone as experienced with both men and women as a porn star, sex educator and author? Here's one of my favorite lines from the interview: "The difference between tolerating penetration and craving penetration is fifteen minutes." During those precious minutes, a lot of exploring, teasing, and unique communicating must occur between the couple. It all comes down to a Buddha quote, "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Dude, learn from everything and there are a lot of chapters that still need writing. For anyone wanting to better their sex life and provide orgasms for their partner, watch the videos, learn from them, and write some new novels!

Alas - I must leave La La Land

Leaving LA If your two oldest kids move away, I guess there's worse places to visit than Los Angeles. As a single mom, I feel it's necessary to see my little rugrats as often as possible. Staying at the #Andaz Hotel in West Hollywood has been amazing. It has a rooftop pool with a view of the mountains and the city. Unfortunately I'm leaving today, but thought I'd share this little clip from the pool. #sadtoleave