A Cougar's 10 Relationship Tips For Guys

Here are my favorite 10 relationship tips for guys: 1) Communication is key. Nobody is a mind reader and talking is the only way of knowing what’s on someone’s mind. Become aware of her body language as well. If she’s telling you everything is fine, yet her eyes are glaring and her hands are on her hips, you’ll know that it’s not “all good.”

2) Trust is very essential. If you know you have each other’s back, your relationship will thrive. Don’t lie, cheat, or be dishonest.

3) Say you’re sorry and admit when you’re wrong. This is a biggie. If your need to be right is more important than your woman’s feelings, you both lose. You’ll both win if you can compromise and see each other’s side.

4) Take care of yourself physically and mentally. She wants to be with a happy balanced man and if you aren’t, it’ll affect your relationship. Like on an airplane when the oxygen masks drop, you’re always supposed to put it on yourself before placing it on others.

5) Be kind and respectful to each other. Keep your cell phone out of your relationship.

6) Have fun and stay positive. She’ll want to be around you if you’re happy and fun to be with.

7) Make time for yourself – don’t lose your identity, your friends, or passions.

8) Stay sexual with your partner and always make her feel sexy and desirable.

9) Be thoughtful with cards, gifts, and small tokens of affection.

10) Remember that fighting is ok, but don’t let issues fester. You may need to take a time out and when you come back, LISTEN to each other.

Be her best friend. Enough said!

Coffee Or Dinner On A Blind Date?

“First impressions matter. Experts say we size up new people in somewhere between 30 seconds and two minutes.” Elliott AbramsDon’t do dinner on a blind date even if he’s supposed to look like George Clooney! This is one of the biggest lessons I learned when I became single again. Why break bread with someone who you know after a few minutes you won’t see again? Here is a recent conversation with a friend regarding a her blind date: Me: How was your date with George Clooney? Ellie: It was a disaster! It lasted two hours and he only slightly resembled him. Me: What? How could that be? Ellie: We went to dinner in Greek Town. I listened for hours about his retirement and golf game. It was like watching paint peel except worse. Me: Why didn’t you leave? Ellie: I felt bad ‘cause he seemed to be enjoying the company and I was hungry. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Me: So he paid for the meal? Ellie: Yes and then he wanted to come up to my apartment after sharing an Uber. I told him to Uber on home. Me: Did you like anything about him? Ellie: No, at one point he told me that he lived three hours away but if he found the right person he would move closer to the city. He then winked at me and tapped my leg. He knocked it so hard, I think I have a bruise. This is example is why a meet and greet at Starbucks is the best first date. If George Clooney is more like George McFly (Back To The Future), you can get out of Dodge much easier after a Grande Latte than a full gyros dinner. It’s also a lot easier for the guy to digest if he’s the one forking over the check. If your time is precious – and whose isn’t, it’s much better eating a burger at home and binge watching “Orange Is The New Black.” It’s also more compassionate to leave after a cup of coffee, since he won’t be as disappointed when you turn him down for future dates. If money is an issue for him, he won’t be resentful or have expectations since you’ve only set him back a few bucks for the latte. What if he turns out to be Clooney’s clone? There’s always a second date with some shish kabob.

How Does A Younger Guy Approach An Older Woman?

Note: This article is written by Cubby BearApproaching an older woman, just like approaching a younger woman, is very easy. Just put one foot in front of the other until you're standing close enough to talk! The hard part, of course, is having something sufficiently witting and charming to say so that she's willing to have a conversation with you. It's the second part that's much easier with older women.

Maybe it's because they've already heard every cheese-dick line already. As a rule, if you want to get into the cougar game, get rid of all your pick up lines. ALL OF THEM. They don't work. They just convince a woman that you're an immature shitbag who thinks that pickup lines actually work. I can't tell you how many times i've observed men go down in a flaming wreck after an ill-advised pick up line, only for the woman to joke with me about it after the fact.

Or a divorcee may already feel insecure with her status as a single person and empathize with the difficulty of approaching a stranger and respect your courage. It could be that an older woman just hasn't gotten hit on that much and appreciates the attention. (if she's hot, she may have been hit on frequently while married, and either didn't notice, or chose not to notice - women have this amazing ability to view the world the way they want it to work) Older, newly single women often don't realize how absolutely, hands down, smoking hot they are. This is only made worse when a woman is left by her husband for some 25 year old bimbo. I used to get criticized by my friends for dating women in their 40s and 50s, and they would always say the same thing: "She's old!" to which I would always say "Hot is hot." There are plenty of older women who are objectively hot by any traditional measure that guys look at: boobs, butt, legs, face, whatever your thing. Case in point: J Lo., Heidi Klum, Elizabeth Hurley, Kate Beckinsale, Elle McPherson, Jennifer Aniston, Sofia Vergara and on, and on, and on...... (not that you're dating Hollywood hotties, but it's not like women have an expiration date like apples. Simply turning 40 doesn't mean a woman has been retired to the trash heap of hottness)

It could also be that the woman has been out of the dating game for a long time and has forgotten the dynamic of men hitting on women. A younger, attractive, woman EXPECTS men to hit on her in a bar, at a restaurant, at work, the street, the gym, the grocery store, and pretty much everywhere else. As a result, it doesn't register in her brain that someone may be legitimately interested in her; she will just brush it off as "another creep." An older woman may have forgotten that this is a common occurrence and thus, more likely to at least give you a 2 minute conversation.

I'm sure that it depends on the woman, and it's probably some combination of all of these things. In any case, simply saying "hello" (like a normal fucking person) and making a context-appropriate comment should do the trick. By that I mean, if you're in a bar, offer to buy her a drink. If you're smart, you'll look at what she's been drinking and offer to buy the same. (If she's got a brown liquid in her glass, don't offer to buy her a vodka) If you're a restaurant, make a recommendation about what to order. I think grocery store pick-ups are weird (usually a woman is there to stock her fridge, not her lady bits) but help her find an item or make a recommendation between two brands. Compliments are nice, but be careful. You start talking about how much you love the cut of her new dress and you're going to get "friend zoned" quicker than a sailor catching chlamydia in a Bangkok whorehouse. Or even worse, she might just assume you’re gay and then you're really SOL. The main thing is to have a follow-up comment. Don't stop at "hello." She may give you 60 seconds more than some 24-year-old uptight, gold-digger, but that still only leaves you 90 seconds. Whatever you do, don't ask about her kids, her ex-husband, her divorce, or anything else that reminds her that she is supposed to a responsible adult, rather than cavorting around with a fresh piece of meat.

The Complete Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There

Close your eyes and recall your very first “official date.” Was it back in junior high school or after college? Visualize the total experience, where did it take place? Were you excited to be with him/her or was it more of a chance to try “dating?” Were you comfortable being with him or was it awkward? Did you have dates that turned into relationships or were you more of a serial dater?

Other than accepting a boy’s I.D. bracelet in sixth grade, my first “official date” was in high school. The subsequent dates were more about the perks of dating versus boys that I enjoyed being with. These guys came with benefits such as; I’d have a date for the Homecoming Dance, or because his dad let him drive the bright green Cadillac. Senior year I started dating a guy named, Tommy who was actually fun to be with, but had an added bonus of being a college boy at Northwestern. It held a lot of value until I myself left for college. Being free to date in college, experimenting sexually, and falling in love changed the landscape of dating for me. Meeting my husband and getting married right out of college, put an end to my dating, or did it?

Fast-forward your mental slideshow 10-30 years. Call to mind your first date as a widow or divorcee with kids and an ex-husband.

What was that first date like for you? Did you get fixed up or did he ask you out after meeting you in a bar? Were you feeling the same awkwardness as you did back in high school? Was your confidence level the same or different dating this time around?

My lack of dating in my 20s and 30s had its pluses and minuses when it was time for me to get back out there. On one hand, I had plenty of self-confidence having never experienced rejection. On the other hand, I was naïve and therefore vulnerable - akin to a lamb going off to slaughter. I didn’t know the little nuances of being single such as; you don’t have to talk to a boring stranger at a bar for an hour if he buys you a drink, or you don’t have to give your phone number out just to be polite. Blind dates never made me nervous. I never worried that the guy wouldn’t call me for a second date; rather I worried as to how I could let him down without hurting his feelings.  I wasn’t in a hurry to find a “new husband,” as much as I was interested in having some fun and companionship. Each one of us has a unique history of dating both early on and after a relationship dissolves. It’s up to us to remember this because all these past memories, thoughts and feelings have shaped us.

Recall the difficulties that occurred in your last relationship.

I’m sorry to tell you, but you played a part in those issues, and unless you realize what it was, it’ll likely recur. There are always two sides to every story, find out what the other side to your story may have been by doing some self-reflecting and/or see a therapist.

Find out why you chose the person you married. Did you think he had problems that would change after you tied the knot? Did you see the red flags from day one? Were you a victim of someone with a shotgun forcing you to marry a crazy lunatic, or were you attracted to a certain trait or did he just not meet your expectations. My husband loved to gamble and took a lot of risks. From business decisions, to online poker, to driving recklessly at times, he loved to gamble. Years after he passed away, I realized that my boyfriend had those same tendencies. I had to accept him the way he is, and as the Billy Joel song goes, “I love you just the way you are.” Looking back at your last marriage or relationship, did you “grow apart,” and what can you do to make sure you “grow together” in the next relationship.

Close your eyes again –visualize what kind of person you want to be on a physical and mental level.

Are you that person? What can you do to become that image? One of my favorite Buddhist quotes is, “What you think, you become.” Make it happen! Go to the gym, see a shrink, get a new job, style your hair, and/or join a charitable organization and make your vision a reality. It’ll help your confidence level immensely. Men love confident, happy and independent women. You’ll have more power to choose the man rather than settling for who chooses you.

Create a mental list of people who can help spread the word that you’re ready to date?

People are not mind readers. Don’t assume that friends, co-workers and family members know that you’re ready to get back out there. They need to have seeds planted that you’re available, and it would be a good thing for them to fix you up with someone. I highly recommend that you try online dating or a dating service. You must find single friends of either sex to go out with. Don’t shy away from going out alone to the local bar, and making friends with the bartender. He can tell you who’s single and who’s married. He’ll let you know the truth about the guys hitting on you. I’ve had a married man tell me he’s single only to be outed by the bartender. Making “New” single friends and Keeping the “Old” married ones -like the Brownie Troupe motto goes - is one of the most essential parts to being single and happy. You’ll need to have a group of singles, so if one’s busy, there will be others to choose from. The new friends can help you with your passions or careers and other aspects besides socializing. It’s networking at it’s finest! I’ve connected with some fantastic women who’ve shared their friends with me. Forming new relationships with single women who’ve gone through similar life altering circumstances can be comforting and enlightening. You can also meet new single friends through charity and religious organizations. Social media sites like Facebook are also great resources for making new connections.

Picture yourself on a date. What do you look like?

Would you run a marathon without getting in shape both physically and mentally? Of course not! If you’re serious about finding a partner, you need to be prepared. Be confident about your physical appearance. Thankfully you aren’t competing with 20 something year old bodies - your competition is fighting gravity and aging just like you. Everyone has grey hairs and stretch marks. My friend Toni says, “Those are your natural tattoos.” You need to choose to either do something about the extra flab around your waste or embrace it. If certain things like discolored teeth and a few wrinkles bother you, sell some stuff on EBAY and you’re your teeth whitened and a shot of Botox. It’s worth it if it gives you confidence. As far as your mental state, therapy is the best present you can give yourself. There are agencies that have sliding scales if cost is a deterrent. The other easy solution to feeling great mentally is getting your natural endorphins going with an exercise regimen. Find something you love doing; running, cycling, yoga or zumba, and put it into your week as a high priority. The endorphin rush will help revitalize you, and put you in a great mood (at least for 45 minutes afterwards.) Use the Internet and watch videos on (here comes a plug) YouTube like The KarenLeePoter Show. Go to the library, there are whole sections on self-help.

Envision signing a contract to never date a married man.

Make this a rule and if you think you are vulnerable to falling for one, tell your friends and have them make you accountable. I have personally been victim to someone who said seven years ago that he was getting divorced, and is still married today. Another married guy claimed to have been a widower, until a mutual friend told me that she was alive and kicking. Unfortunately the world is full of married men preying on single women. Here are some reasons why being with a married man is a no win situation; you aren’t a home wrecker, you wouldn’t want that to happen to you, and he’ll probably cheat on you. You have to be number one and have self-respect or no one will respect you.

Create a list of dos and don’ts on first dates. Here are some suggestions:

Do be honest, be yourself, and look happy. No matter how bad your day is going, turn it around and be positively radiant. If you don’t think you look good, force a smile on your face. This will work wonders. Don’t allow text only conversations before a date. Talk at least once to make sure he’s legit. Don’t reveal too much about yourself before or on the first date. Do think of it as fun and not as a job interview. Don’t be negative. Nobody wants to hear about the hostility you have for your ex-spouse. Don’t have sex on the first date, unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do. Do ask questions and listen to the answers. This will provide you with the information you need about his past and a possible future with you. Don’t drink too much. Do use good table manners, yes it’s common sense, but needs to be said. Don’t answer your cell phone unless it’s a necessity- if you need to have it with you, put it on silent. No texting either unless it’s an emergency. Do give good eye contact and warm body language. Do offer to pay for the bill or at least split it. Do remember to thank the person for the date no matter how it turns out Do be polite to the waiter or bartender. Your date is watching you too.

Be alert to RED flags on the first date. These are some actual statements - I kid you not:

“I want to be upfront with you, I had prostrate cancer and if we have sex, you’ll need to press a button on a penis pump that I wear.” “I would only date someone who can help me pay my mortgage.” “I won’t be able to kiss you tonight because I have a giant cancer sore in my mouth. I also am on medication for depression and anxiety.” “My ex is a c@*!t.” “I’m not working right now because I’m waiting for my Dad to pass away at which point I’ll inherit a lot of money.”

Plan your “How Stella Got Her Groove On” night ahead of time.

Only go to this step if you plan on being in a monogamous relationship. You deserve to be more than a one-night stand no matter how long it’s been since you last had sex. Don’t worry about being naked. Your partner will be naked too. Everyone is self-conscious and that’s why Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and the dimmer switch to go with it. Wear sexy lingerie! Men are visual creatures, and the image of you in a teddy will linger long after this night. Speaking from past experience, test-drive the lingerie especially if it has a lot of hooks. I had a particularly stressful experience with “thigh highs.” Prepare for the night in advance. If possible set the mood with candles, massage oil, condoms, and get rid of the kids. A quick note about condoms - use them no matter what your partner says. If he says he hasn’t had sex in 20 years with any one other than his wife, wear a condom anyway.  If he says he was living in a monastery in Tibet, wear a condom anyway. Don’t trust anyone until you see the lab report that says he is clean. A friend of mine found out the hard way when a guy didn’t divulge that he had herpes.

Be honest with your partner about your fears and/or anxieties about sex. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this, don’t have sex ‘cause you’re not ready. Communication is the key to having great sex. You don’t need to point out your C-section scars the first time, but you need to express any concerns that may prevent you from having an enjoyable experience. As your relationship progresses, you will need to feel comfortable enough to attempt different positions, role play or tell him/her what uniquely pleases you. This can only be done (unless he’s psychic) if it’s communicated. Please remember that things are different now than back in the hippie days. This means that you’ll need to trim the hair on your private parts. If you’ve never done it, you may find that it’s surprisingly erotic. Being clean and groomed will add to feeling sexy and confident.

Think about your sexual needs. Are you capable of having a “friend with benefits?”

Many newly single people go through a period of renewed adolescence. This can last anywhere from four months to 40 years. After being in a long-term relationship or marriage, being single can be lonely and one way to comfort yourself is through physical affection – simply put you’re horny and you want to have sex. Being able to have sex with whomever you want is a major perk to being single. This sudden unleashing of sexual restrictions can be liberating as long as it’s done safely. There are problems that can occur both physically and psychologically if you jump into sex without thinking of the consequences. Think about how you felt the first time you lost your virginity. A lot of the feelings of anxiety and excitement are similar when you pop your cherry the second time around. You may be more confident about sex now than at nineteen, but sex is still a very intimate activity and your feelings may get hurt as a result. I found this new found sexual freedom it be exciting, but on a few occasions depressing. A friend with benefits is all that you may want or can handle if you’re newly single. You may be so overwhelmed with your new life that anything more than a sexual relationship would be too complicated. If you have great sex with this person, you may end up fantasizing that this may turn into more. Friends with benefits may work, but you both need to be of a similar mindset. This is no easy feat, and communicating is key once again.

Realize the advantages and disadvantages of texting and sexting.

We didn’t grow up texting. Texting is much easier than having to pick up the phone or have a discussion in person. It’s also easier to be misunderstood and the problem is that once the text is out there, you can’t take it back. It sometimes ends up going to the wrong Adam or Kevin (oops.) I’ve personally read, and re-read a text several times trying to get to the deeper meaning, only to find out that there wasn’t one.

Sexting takes it one step further. Sexting is sending naked pictures or writing provocative texts in emails or on cell phones. It can be a lot of fun, and it also can get you into a lot of trouble. Sexting can give you a false sense of closeness since it’s easy to be brazen when you only have to press a few buttons. Be careful of what you send that can come back and bite you in the butt. If you send a nude picture and get into a fight with that person, you may find that photo on someone’s Facebook wall. I’ve seen this happen on at least two occasions.

Close those eyes one more time, and envision the person with whom you’d want to ride off with into the sunset.

What does he look, sound, or act like? Now open your eyes. If that person isn’t standing in front of you, it’s because he doesn’t exist. There is no perfect person out there. You need to come to the realization that the Prince isn’t going to come riding in on a white horse and sweep you off your feet. You are going to have to compromise (not settle) on what you want. If having great character is important, then you may not get the gorgeous multimillionaire. You may get the shorter than you’d like sweetheart of a guy. On the other hand, you should never accept a man because he has two arms, two legs and a penis. If you’re looking for a “Sugar Daddy,” you may not get a great companion. You may happen to fall in love with someone of a completely different religion, race or age. Try to think out of the box. Back to me: I’m currently dating a man who’s years younger than me. This was NOT something I was actively seeking when we met. Try to be open to being with someone different who you really click with and then go for it.

REVIEWS ARE IN!

The reviews are in - 5 stars for my book, "A Cougar's Guide To Getting Your ASS Back Out There!" Here's a note  I received that made my eyes well up with tears of joy:

Good evening Karen,

I received your book today, and just finished it moments ago.  I have a question:  On page 45, you mentioned a situation where a man said something along the lines of "I need to inform you that due to my prostate cancer, I need to press a button on my penis pump if we have sex."  Is this based on an actual event?  Has this dialogue been dropped on you?  It made me laugh hysterically, and strike fear in my heart (amongst other places) at the same time. 

Whilst that was a notable moment, it wasn't the most meaningful for me.  I especially enjoyed reading chapter 8, Redefining the Word Cougar, and chapter 11, The Cougar Effect. 

I could really relate to each of the aspect laid out in chapter 8.  As stated previously, I don't appreciate the negative connotations associated with the word cougar.  I really enjoyed reading each part of what makes cougars exceptional in your eyes. 

I must say chapter 11 was my favorite part.  I could relate 100% to the characteristics of the Cougar effect.  It has been a part of my life for 5 years, and I have learned to embrace it all. 

Ultimately, the book as a whole held a greater meaning for me in terms of the women in my life right now.  I have many friendships will older women.  Some I have dated, some are only friends.  However, I speak with them quite often about the subject of dating and the obstacles that come with age.  Every one of them have expressed self doubt about their appearance, their confidence, and their overall zeal. 

Your book literally addresses each and every concern, and how to overcome each barrier.  Right now I am trying to decide which one of my friends needs this book the most, because they ALL DO.  I'm actually considering purchasing additional copies. 

In summation, I had high expectations for this book, and I am happy to say that they were met, and then some.  I am very proud of you in the fact that you're bringing this culture to light.  I commend you for your efforts. 

I will be headed to Amazon right after this to write my review. 

Have a wonderful evening and keep up the good work :)

Best regards,

Steve

Hot Off The Press: Get Your Copy Of My Book!

I'm so excited to announce that my book, "A Cougar's Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There," is here! Get your copy of this life changing book. Learn why my new definition of the term Cougar is a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive and racy woman. Read personal letters and see photos of my life as a shy girl who emerged to become a strong and  confident woman. Find out how I've overcome huge obstacles, maintained a sense of humor, and found love again. It's all in this guide which will take you on a step by step journey to physical, emotional, and sexual empowerment. Click the book below and after you read it, please write a review on Amazon. Enjoy!

Older Women Dating Younger Men - Relationships With Cougars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXUeDTfpYLc 10 myths that "Cougar Coach," KarenLee shares about older women dating younger men. What's the attraction? Who preys on whom? Can these relationships stand the test of time?

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How Important Is The First Kiss? Hint: Very

My mother always told me, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." I thought she meant that it's a numbers game when it comes to finding the right man, but I now realize she meant the kiss part literally. You need to KISS a lot of men to find out if they are compatible smoochers before deciding on who should share your throne. A recent Huffington Post article stated, "Past studies have also affirmed the idea that smooching is a way to vet future mates." A CNN Health report indicated that kissing is an important determiner in the process of mate choice. That first kiss has always been the major factor in whether I went out with a guy again. Sometimes I'd expect an average kiss and be pleasantly surprised by his smooth delicious lip locking. Unfortunately, there were other times when I expected an amazing make out session that ended with me completely grossed out by his lack of passion or the clueless nature of how he kissed. Taking it one step further, you can determine how selfish/generous, passionate/dull, hostile/sweet, or humorous/boring a man is simply by the way he kisses. Does he tease you with his tongue or leave his lips locked on yours with the excitement of a soap dish?

My first experience with kissing was very anxiety provoking. I was eleven years old at a coed over night camp. One morning, I overheard some kids saying that we'd be playing Spin The Bottle that evening. I was excited at the prospect of my first kiss, until I realized that I had no idea how to kiss. I went into panic mode and decided I would need to practice on something. The only thing I found was a can of bug repellent. I frantically rolled my lips onto the can. Later that evening, we played the game and although the bottle landed on a guy with braces, I managed to have a fun time.

I have experienced my fair share of make-out sessions — the good, the bad and the slobbery. I remember kissing my boyfriend, turned husband, on the floor in front of a burning fireplace. He stopped at one point to say, "I can kiss you for two weeks straight," and then we continued for at least another two hours. I have had instances where I couldn't stop kissing a guy even in public places like restaurants or taxis. Conversely, I've had horrible uncomfortable kissing sessions where I wasn’t sure if he was giving me a kiss or swabbing my throat for a strep culture. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer that if the guy can't kiss, he probably can't do a lot of other important things in the bedroom.

If kissing is so important, why don't we get lessons on the art of kissing? Etched in my mind is an extremely sexy scene from television's Boston Legal, in which Julie Bowen teaches Mark Valley how to kiss. He wonders why he's able to get first dates, but never the second. She says, "There’s a certain amount of gentility in kissing." He later says he doesn’t like when a woman's tongue goes into his mouth. She responds, "This is why you're the worst kisser in the history of the planet."

Here are three scenarios of the importance of being an magnificent kisser: Someone fixes you up with a great guy. You meet at a local restaurant on the first date. It's an enjoyable evening and the guy is kind of cute. You don't notice any red flags. You leave the restaurant and he walks you to your car. He leans in for a kiss.

He sensually presses his lips against yours and gently touches your tongue with his. He smells great and his breath tastes sweet. Your tongues do a little tango, and you feel a little jolt all the way down your body.

He holds your head between his hands and gives you a very passionate, sensual tasty kiss sliding his tongue into your mouth. You like his assertiveness, and you feel your heart race as you kiss him back with gusto.

He plunges his tongue into your mouth, swishes it around, drool drips from the sides of his mouth. His saliva gets all over your lips, as his teeth knock awkwardly against yours. You feel like a St. Bernard has just slobbered all over you.

What can you do to improve your kissing ability? Here’s the most important tip to giving her the kiss that will make her melt. It’s a dance. Follow her lead, start slow and tune into the pace of your partner. Taste her tongue and lips as if you were savoring a piece of your favorite pie. Mimic her movements and mirror the way she touches your teeth and gums. Be playful, sensual, and romantic. If you put your tongue in her mouth, and she follows your lead, you’re on the path to inheriting the throne. Is the first kiss really that important? You bet your regal lips it is!

10 Traps Newly Single Women Entering The Dating Jungle Should Avoid

You're officially single again. You're going to bars and men are starting to notice you. It's flattering, exciting and scary at the same time. A hot guy approaches and offers to buy you a drink. Your heart starts racing as you notice his sparkling eyes and wolf-like smile. The conversation flows. Could this be the next Mr. Right? It’s possible, but be on high alert. Don’t be snared by the seasoned hunter who’s ready to pounce on some fresh new meat. Here are 10 traps (based on true stories) that should set off the newly single woman’s fight or flight response:

1) That's not my wedding ring!

He's wearing a gold band on his fourth finger. You ask him point blank if he's married and he states emphatically, “No!” Upon further inquiry you ask why he’s wearing the ring? He reaches for his phone and shows you pictures of his “deceased” parents. He whispers, "This is all I have to remember my parents who were happily married for 50 years.” You immediately feel guilty for mentioning the ring, and are relieved when he changes the subject. It slips out later in conversation that he actually is married, and was hoping you’d “be cool” about it after getting to know him better. Trap: If the tiger’s got stripes, he’s a tiger!

2) His credit cards have just expired.

You’re having a great conversation a cute guy at a restaurant bar. He offers to buy you a drink and you accept. The bartender asks if you’d like to start a tab. The generous man nods and proceeds to order some appetizers. You’re having a great time talking to this entertaining guy until the bill arrives. He reaches for his wallet and mutters, “I’m so sorry, I just realized that my credit card expired and I’m low on cash. Do you think you can cover this? I’ll get it next time!”  Trap: If the fox tricks you once, don’t let him do it again.

3) His ex-wife is a psycho

You’re standing in a crowded bar, and a man initiates a conversation by asking how long you’ve been single. You proceed to tell him that it’s only been a few months. He snorts, “I’ve been divorced 10 years, and it was all her fault she’s a “psycho bitch.” The name-calling continues until you finally find a way to exit. Trap: A venomous snake isn’t someone you want to tangle with.

4) He’s had a few DUI’s so you’ll need to drive

You’re having a great time partying with a man you met at the bar.  When you’re getting ready to leave, he asks if you’d like to go out with him the following evening. You agree and give him your phone number. He then drops the bomb, “Will you be able to pick me up?” You ask why and he explains, “I don’t have a license right now, ‘cause I had a few too many DUI’s.” Trap: You don’t want a drunk monkey on your back.

5) He hasn’t spoken to his mother in years

After ten minutes of talking about various subjects, you ask if he has a large family. He says he’s an only child and that his father passed away. You remark, “You must be very close with your mother.” He snaps, “I haven’t talked to her in 7 years, she’s a witch.” Trap: If a cub doesn’t love his mama bear, he won’t love you.

6) He’s married but they haven’t slept together in years

After small talk, he admits to being married. “Our marriage has been on the rocks for years. We sleep in separate bedrooms. I can’t even remember the last time we’ve had sex.” The words free flow out of his mouth, and you wonder if what he’s saying is really true. Trap: Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.

7) He only talks about one subject – himself

A man begins a conversation by telling you that he has a boat, 2 homes, and a fancy sports car. He offers to take you on a vacation, since he has “time shares everywhere.” He pulls out pictures of his 3 daughters, and regales you with stories as to how talented they are. After 20 minutes, you realize he hasn’t asked you your name. Trap: A gorilla beating his chest doesn’t need a mate, he needs a mirror.

8) He’s waiting for his inheritance

You’re having a nice dialogue with a man. He’s single, good-looking and personable. You tell him that you’re in sales and inquire as to what he does for a living. He tells you that he works for his father. He proceeds to add, “I’m going to inherit a lot of money when he dies, and he’s pretty old.” Trap: Don’t date Uncle Scar from the Lion King.

9) His life is on Wikipedia

A confident guy approaches your table. He sits and easily chats with your group of friends. He tells you that he’s got a very cool job as an engineer with oilrigs and he used to be a professional baseball player. The girls are all impressed, and he asks for your number to meet up later for a drink. You exchange information and he leaves. Your friend decides to Google his name and the first article that appears is a photo of his wife and two kids. Trap: The coyote should cover his tracks

10) He slept with every single woman in the neighborhood

You’re flattered when a sexy man begins to hit on you. He tells you he’s attracted to your eyes and asks why he hasn’t seen you out at the bars before. After you play a little game of “Who you know geography,” you realize he’s the “Dave” that went out with one of your friends and cheated on her with another. Trap: A leopard doesn’t change his spots.

Remember there are no hunting rules and regulations that men have to follow. If you’re an innocent lamb, it’s up to you to be prepared and on the lookout for the men who walk around in sheep’s clothing.

For more tips on dating, sex & relationships, watch my talk-show: LoveEncore by KarenLeePoter.

KarenLee is the featured guest on "The Advise Show"

[audio mp3="http://www.karenleepotershow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/The-Importance-Of-Sex-In-Relat1.mp3"][/audio] The Importance Of Sex In Relat

A 10-Step Guide To Flirting With A Man Of Any Age

The Lost Art Of Flirting – 10 Steps To Becoming An Expert Flirt “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?” Did Mae West brazenly utter those words? Gasp! There are countless articles on the rules of dating, and she probably broke everyone of them with that flirtatious question. Was she being too bold? Does she appear too aggressive? Doesn’t she know how to play the game? Flirting has somehow become wrong. It has become a lost art.

Why is mastering the skill of flirting a good thing if you’re trying to get a date? The answer: Because men like confident women! They’re tired of always being the aggressors. They like women who are self-assured and know what they want. Flirting isn’t easy, but the rewards are great. The act of flirting can dramatically increase your chances of getting asked out on a date. At the very least, if the guy you’ve flirted with isn’t available, he’ll still find you entertaining and remember you in the future. Flirting is a great opportunity to let your personality shine through. Here are 10 steps to becoming an expert flirt:

#1 Say “Hello,” to a stranger every day. This may seem easy, but it can be quite intimidating. The exercise of smiling, making eye contact, and greeting a total stranger can be completely foreign to someone who hasn’t done this in the past. We were taught not to make contact with strangers since grade school, when we learned about, “Stranger Danger.” The simple act of saying “Hello,” to new people will brighten your day and those you greet.

#2 Compliment a co-worker, friend, or stranger by saying something unexpected and nice. If you aren’t able to leave the home, try saying a positive statement to someone on the phone. Watch and listen to the reaction you receive from that person.

#3 Introduce yourself to an unknown person. This can be anyone unfamiliar to you such as; your server at a restaurant, grocery cashier, or bus driver. Make sure you smile and look the person right in the eye as you say, “Hi, my name is KarenLee. What’s yours?”

#4 Go to a bar, restaurant, gym or any social gathering place and chat with a stranger. Talk to someone sitting at a coffee shop or strike up a conversation with a girl in a hair salon. The more comfortable you are with this step, the easier it is to start up a conversation with a man you are interested in getting to know.

#5 You are now ready to approach someone who you’d like to potentially date. This can take place anywhere such as: a bar, grocery store, dog park, or car wash. Be ready at all times, so you don’t kick yourself later about letting the guy get away. Once you’ve found your target, give him friendly eye contact and a big smile. He’s bound to respond positively.

#6 Make your move! Walk up to that person and say something relevant about him or your surroundings. You can talk about the weather, something on TV, or his hat. Bring up any subject that will get his attention. Make sure to give him great eye contact and full attention. Do not look at anyone else or pick up your cell phone. If he indicates disinterest, by turning away or grunting a one-word answer, move on to the next guy.

#7 Keep the conversation light and flowing. Tell a joke and respond to his attempts at humor. Ask a question, shut up and listen! This may seem obvious, but everyone likes to talk about his/her self or voice an opinion. If you listen intently and respond with a nod or smile, he’ll feel special. If he shows you pictures of his kids or dog, you know you’ve captivated his interest.

#8 Touch his arm, shoulder or hand. If you get really bold, you can brush your leg up against his. This tiny gesture will indicate that you’re interested in him more than a friend. This will help keep you out of, “The Friend Zone.” If he returns the gesture, you’re on the right path.

#9 Keep the conversation short, sexy and sweet. You want him to look forward to your next meeting. Find out if he’s in a relationship. If he’s available, tell him you need to leave, but would love to see him again. If he hasn’t asked for your number, think Mae West and say, “Here’s my cell, call me sometime and we’ll get together.”

#10 Get up and shake his hand, give him a quick hug or if you’re comfortable, give him a light kiss on the cheek. Tell him how happy you are to have met him, and say good-bye.

The art of flirting is not just about batting your eyelashes and tossing your hair. It’s a skill that lets a person know you’re a confident woman with high self-esteem. If you wait for the guy to approach you, it may never happen. Mae West knew the secrets to being an expert flirt and now you do too. Go out and break some of those dating rules. In the words of Dolly Parton, (another woman who perfected the art of flirting), “I love to flirt, and I never met a man I didn’t like.”

How To Look & Feel Sexy by KarenLee Poter (LoveEncore)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SROKHxVxDE KarenLee speaks openly about confidence and feeling sexy.

Ten Reasons To NOT Date A Married Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyawj1-B9sc Laura from Chicago asked me: What’s wrong with going out with a married man - especially if he says his marriage is on the rocks, he plans on leaving his wife, and he hasn’t had sex with her in years?

Here are ten reasons why you shouldn’t “date” a married man:

1)   If he’s unhappy – he should leave. PERIOD! Yes it’s hard financially, but it’s got to be done. Yes, it may be hard on the kids, but its worse to set an example of a bad marriage.

2)   Once a cheat, always a cheat. I know a couple that both cheated on their spouses and got married. After 15 years, they’re both cheating on each other. Do you want to be with a cheater? Do you want to be with someone who lies on a daily basis to his wife about who he’s been with? If he cheated with his wife, he’ll most likely cheat on you.

3)   You’ll be a home wrecker. Do you want to have that on your conscious? What will that woman think of you? What will you think of yourself? Will this help build your self-confidence?

4)   He says he’s in an “open marriage”. That’s fine, but does she know that it’s open? Do you want to be with a liar? Do you want to be with someone untrustworthy?

5)   Do you want to be the backup quarterback? Why shouldn’t you be the starter? Do you want to miss out on holidays, weddings, and Saturday nights, while he takes her out in public? Do you want to always be in hiding? Yes it’s exciting to have an afternoon rendezvous in a hotel, but that gets old. You deserve to be Numero Uno.

6)   Who the hell does he think he is, and why does he get his cake and eat it too? What makes him so special that he gets to be with two women? Why do you want to be with a selfish, entitled person?

7)   If the wife finds out, you’ll be opening a door to have her anger spill out on you and your family. Your reputation is at stake. Why give up the control you have on your life – remember, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” Yes he’ll tell you that he erases the texts, but how can you be sure that he never makes a mistake? A friend told me that he found out his wife cheated on him when he borrowed her phone and saw the post sex texts.

8)   Single men are more likely to give you the respect and honesty that you hope to get in a relationship. You’ll get neither of that by getting involved with a married man. He’s okay with you waiting for him to break free of his family obligations? That’s not being respectful!

9)   Diseases! He may be cheating on you as well as his wife. Don’t think he’s honest about wearing condoms! I know someone who was with a married man who later told her he was seeing many other women and had contracted HERPES! Remember, the difference between love and herpes? Herpes lasts forever.

10) It’s wrong! I’m open-minded and think that experimenting with like minded people is something personal and not to be judged. However, you’re participating in a dishonest, unethical activity. It’s one of the Ten Commandments! Don’t do it. The momentary pleasure is not worth the long-standing feelings of guilt and remorse.

Five Pet Peeves For Profile Pictures

We’ve all heard the adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” On a dating website, the attractiveness of your profile picture determines whether you’ll get winks, nods, or future dates. That picture is the gatekeeper that allows you to move into the “worth checking out” category. Unfortunately, the time you put into writing 1,000 words about your interests and passions will be for nothing if you don’t have an appealing picture. And while choosing a few photos sounds easy enough, you must realize you’re revealing much more than your image. Take heed of the following profile picture mistakes: 1) Wearing Sunglasses

“The eyes are the windows of the soul.” It doesn’t matter if Shakespeare or DaVinci said this. Those beautiful orbs convey a rainbow of emotions. You can easily find something endearing about their color, shape, or size. Staring into a person’s eyes has been a subject of romance novels and films throughout time. They identify a person just as well as a fingerprint does. Why would you cover them up?  Perhaps you’re hiding something, like you’re not divorced yet.  Or you lack confidence in your looks, or you think you’re too cool to be on a dating site. Unless you work for a sunglass company, don’t pick a photo of you wearing shades.

2) Blurry, old, or someone other than you

If you want a potential date, don’t throw a fuzzy picture up on the screen.  Take the time to find a distinct representation of you. If you have a camera on your phone, you should be able to get a clear photo of yourself. Possible explanations for blurry pics: you’re hiding your wrinkles or some physical flaw, the picture is ten years old, or the person isn’t you in the photo. A friend told me his blind date had used a Victoria Secret model’s photo. When questioned, she explained that her mother says she looks like one. Let’s agree that this won’t fly under normal circumstances. Use a focused, well-lit, current picture, or you’ll be in for a rough date when he/she sees you in person.

 3) Frowning, unkempt, or giving the finger

The last thing you want is for him/her to see you as an angry, depressed person. Unless you’re in prison, don’t choose a mug shot (and even then, you probably don’t want to bring up the prison part til at least the second date). Frowning in front of the camera doesn’t indicate confidence or high self-esteem. Unshaven and wearing sloppy clothes won’t make the women gravitate to you. Swearing in sign language isn’t funny and doesn’t translate to classy. In photography’s early days, smiling was difficult because subjects needed to hold a pose for hours. Why would you scowl at the camera? Maybe you’re an unhappy, insecure person. Maybe you hate all mankind. Or maybe you want to let people know that you’re a miserable SOB. If any of those statements are true for you, you shouldn’t be seeking a relationship, you should be seeking therapy.

4) Animals, children or friends

Golden Retrievers, Mickey Mouse and your daughter’s bridal party are great for Facebook photo albums – not dating profile pictures. This is your time to shine. You don’t want the focus of your potential mate to go from you to your golf buddies. A profile picture of a chubby man standing next to a baby elephant once astounded me. Did he think appearing with a pachyderm would make him look smaller? Was he trying to attract someone in the circus? Why use distractions in your profile pictures? Here are some explanations: You’re trying to attract a dog sitter, you want to show that you’re popular, or you’re obsessed with Disneyland. Keep it about you!

5) Chicago Bulls and bragging

The Porche may attract a “gold digger” if that’s who you’re looking to snag. A snapshot of you, Derrick Rose and Luol Deng is exciting, but ask if yourself if she’s more likely to be looking at you… or DaBulls? A photo of you beaming with pride in front of a yacht may send guys running for the hills at the prospect of supporting a high maintenance gal. Why show off your material possessions? It could mean you want to brag, you’re conceited, you’re insecure about your body and want the attention drawn to your wealth, or you want to let the world know that you’re looking for a sugar daddy who can keep you in the lifestyle you crave. Nothing is wrong with material possessions as long as they don’t define you – keep the toys out of the photo.

Your best chance of getting a wink from an attractive person is to post an equally mesmerizing photo of you. When all is said and done, take a look at your picture. Would you date this person?