Male Porn Star's Tips On Oral Sex

Who knows more about kissing and giving a girl great oral sex than someone like Derek Pierce, a porn star who's had sex with over 3500 women? This video contains the best sex advice for men and the women who want to teach them! Derrick Pierce and I talk about why "eating pussy" is his favorite sex activity and his 6 tips for being great at kissing and oral sex. The formal term for "eating pussy is cunnilingus." Cunnilingus is an oral sex act performed by a person on a female's clitoris and other parts of the vagina. Derrick is funny and has some hilarious quotes like,"It's not about the triangle." He says: take your time, observe and talk during sex, take cues from her, establish a connection when you kiss and enjoy the dance. Watch this excellent and entertaining sex advice video. He loves oral sex! Why? He likes to control the pleasure of the woman. Derek says, "I don't need to get my dick sucked." He likes to be in charge of the timing and intensity of her orgasm. He wants her to beg a man to eat her pussy. Talking is essential to great sex."So if I do that again, are you going to hold your breath again?" "If you want legitimate interaction, don't be on fast forward," Derek says. I asked, "What makes a good kiss?" "It's all intention - having a good kiss is kind of like a dance." Derek's favorite position is girl on top. He likes giving eye contact and positioning her around during sex. To see more of Derek Pierce and other porn stars, check out my YouTube channel playlist

10 Things I Really DON'T Like From Bill Cosby to Shoes

What's Your Zodiac Sign? What's The Sexiest Astrological Sign?

To find out the answers to the questions in the title -watch my video with astrology guru Cheryl Kaminski. Cheryl and I talk about why I had no choice about my career which focuses on SEX. Why? Because it is written all over my astrological chart. Scorpio is the sexual sign of the zodiac - everyone knows that. Apparently Pluto (ruled by Scorpio) is where my career is located, and I have a lot of Scorpio action in my 8th house which is career. So basically it's no wonder that I focus on talking about sex rather than cooking. I'm also a terrible cook so that's a good thing. I learned which are the best signs in the bedroom. If you're an Aries, you'll want sex anytime and anywhere in your house, swinging from the rafters or chained to a wall. The problem is Aries men can get too excited and sex may end too soon. Aries men should check out Promescent a product I reviewed to make men last longer in bed in this video: Cougar Hot Tips: How Men Can Last Longer In Bed To purchase Promescent, click here. If you're a Taurus, you're into foreplay. Geminis like to think about sex a lot before going right at it and Capricorns tend to be boring in bed. Libras love romance and need to have the right lighting in bed and we all know that Scorpios rule in the sack. Scorpios also are mysterious which is a turn on for most people as well.

Find out a little of each zodiac sign in this hilarious and entertaining video. If you'd like to have your chart interpreted by Cheryl, comment here on this video leaving your first name, date and time of birth, place of birth and if you know that info on your partner, leave that here too. Unfortunately we can only get to a few charts.

To see part one of my interview on astrology, Zodiac Signs, Sex, George Clooney, Channing Tatum & KarenLee , click here.

Tired of sex being 5 minutes or less?

We all know women take longer to get in the mood. Foreplay is king for us girls. What happens to those guys who can't seem to last more than a few minutes during the actual act of sex? This can be disappointing to both men and women. It can be traumatic if it happens repeatedly. Good news! There is a product that will help men maintain their erection without climaxing so quickly. It's called Promescent! The great thing about Promescent is that it can be titrated out to the exact needs of the guy while having no effect on the woman. It gets absorbed into the shaft of the penis so there is no loss of sensation for the woman and the man can even wash it off after the application. This could be a wonder product that may save your relationship. Try it by clicking here: Watch my video: Cougar Hot Tips: How Men Can Last Longer In Bed

Have You Discussed Your Sexual Boundaries?

“It's Ok For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys.” I received this message from a guy named, Sam: "Hi Karen. Can you advise? After a mostly happy marriage no sooner had the kids left home than my wife told me that she wanted to live a little. She had been brilliant and forgiven for me for two affairs I'd had when I was younger, but has now announced that this is her time. As if to prove it she's had cosmetic surgery, including a boob enhancement, and has now got herself a young stud that is apparently built like a stallion! She now says size and youth definitely do matter for her, and as I'm lacking when compared with him in both respects, I've just got to get over it. Although it was a shock at first I've now adjusted to her going out on the town with her young stud, with her looking like a million dollars and then coming home in the early hours to have sex in our marital bed while I'm next door trying to sleep in the spare room. It's not like she's out every night, and we're really happy in almost every other respect. But she's made it clear she won't give up her Cougar lifestyle either. And to be honest, I'm ok with that. What do you think?" My first reaction was one of shock - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Would anyone be ok with this situation? Then I got to thinking about it and thought hmmm if he's "ok" with it, what's the problem?

Here was my response: "Simple - If you're both ok, then leave it be. Hopefully she'll get it out of her system and that'll be that. Just make sure that you're both being honest with each other. It sounds like you're not a 100% into it from the tone of it, but that's something you'll have to examine further. Communication is key!"

Sam's next message provided more insights: "I believe that I've done the right thing by supporting Dana in her Cougar life style and being relaxed about her inviting young men to stay over in our house. Incidentally, it was partly a safety thing on my part - I felt better that Dana was safe and sound in our home while pursuing her new lifestyle. Also, I didn't mention that I'm fifteen years older than Dana and happier on the golf course than making out in bed these days! - so I felt she deserved a bit of action. Just didn't realize she'd be so popular with athletic guys in their twenties! Also, and it can be hard for a guy to admit this, she's always had a much stronger libido than me, and I've always had this sense that she needed more, both on the size and motion in the ocean front than I could give her. So it's kind of payback time. Dana has agreed to let me film her having sex with her young stud, Donnie. I can't help but be fascinated by what they get up to together, and I'm kind of proud that Dana can attract such hot young men. But they are lucky to have her too. I must be a voyeur! - I had no idea until now."

This led me to create an exciting video, “It's OK For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys” for my Internet channel, The KarenLee Poter Show. In the video, I talk about online dating (hook up) websites such as Ashley Madison, and the importance of an “agreement” between a couple on what sexual behavior is or isn't allowed. That agreement should be routinely visited if it’s anything other than monogamy. The comments from the viewers on my YouTube channel are particularly interesting. What are YOUR sexual boundaries?

Here’s the last message I received from Sam in response to my viewers' comments: "I don't want to join in, nor do I want to go chasing after younger women. I've learnt my lesson on that score, and I'm not really interested. Plus stop press, they let me sit in on one of their sessions by way of research for the proposed movie, and it was everything I hoped it would be - and more some. Thank you so much for your excellent advice."

Does Your Vagina Have A Personal Trainer? Read This!

If I tell you that I have a personal trainer who has made a world of difference in my abs and butt muscles, you'll listen up - right? So listen up: I'm hear to tell you about a personal trainer for a private area that is very important and rarely discussed - YOUR VAGINA! She's not a live person, in fact she's only about two inches long, but boy does she work wonders! I've always heard about kegel muscles and how important it is to strengthen them, but had no clue what this meant. That all ended when I tried, Lelo's Luna Smart Bead. It is a game changer! In a few short weeks I've advanced from beginner to intermediate kegel muscle pro. I hope to be at the advanced level soon! How does this very personal trainer work? You insert the sleek Luna Smart Bead in your vagina as instructed for five minutes a day. Upon insertion you'll feel a vibration which means it's time to squeeze your vagina, and then relax after the vibration stops. Lelo calls this "personalized pleasure training." Basically you contract and relax through an easy-to-follow routine that is touch-sensored. She's battery operated and waterproof too!

There are several reasons why you should follow the guidance of your vagina personal trainer. The major benefit I find is that my orgasms are stronger. It's also easier to reach a climax and enables me to be in a more sexual mood. Your partner will feel the difference as well - especially years after childbirth and the earth's gravitational pull. Another benefit - you'll have more bladder control! No more laughing and peeing at the same time! You'll probably save money on panty liners. Find out more in this fun video: My Vagina's Personal Trainer - Kegel Exercises 101. Purchase your Lelo Luna Smart Bead - click here

Would You Take A Walk On The Wild Side?

It’s Saturday night; you’re out with your buddies at a hot trendy club. You spot a very attractive woman from across the bar. She makes eye contact and smiles at you. Your heart thumps as you approach her. She laughs at your jokes and touches your thigh. You feel extremely aroused. You wonder; can I be this lucky? You ask her if she’d like to go someplace quieter. She nods, grabs your hand and suggests going to your place.You get to your door and begin kissing her passionately. You notice her breasts peeking out of her low cut silky blouse. She places your hand on her butt and you start unbuttoning her top. She starts to unzip your jeans and feels your super hard cock. You still haven’t had a chance to turn on the lights, as you lead her into your bedroom. You start to unbutton her skintight jeans, when suddenly you feel a bump that’s definitely not supposed to be there. IT’S A PENIS! Would you continue to have some form of sexual encounter knowing that you’re with a person who has male parts? I posed this question to a friend of mine who has an affinity towards having sex with “trannies.” He considers himself heterosexual. He believes that most men would have some type of sex if put in the situation described above. Bruce Jenner’s openness about his decision to release his inner woman has prompted me to pose this question to the males who watch my YouTube channel, “The KarenLee Poter Show.” In the episode, “What If "SHE" Turned Out To Be "HE?" I asked my viewers what they’d do if this happened to them. Here’s a sampling of their responses:

“No. No. No, I would not continue! I would be extremely disgusted. Then I would be extremely angry! Look...that is being deceitful and IMHO full disclosure is required! I don't have issue with Transgender men. If that is how they feel, but a potential sexual partner should know what they are getting into.”

“I would kill that fucker on the spot”

“Definitely no way. If I wanted to be with a man, Id stay home and jerk off. hahaha.”

“People can do whatever they want with their bodies, BUT, Not telling a guy something that drastic is not going to put them at the top of the popularity list. They have a responsibility to tell the truth about their sexuality, period.”

“Deception appears to be a BIG no no. It is one thing to watch some tv show about them/celebs or get makeup tips from one. It is totally different when it is only about what you want from your significant other/lover.”

“It depends on the man, if he is comfortable with transgender, its ok, if he wants all woman, he would be nice and let the transgender woman know that he wants all woman. Some men goes both ways, some men wants all woman. For one thing, the transgender woman should let the man know before it gets any deeper.”

“No real man wants to waste his time talking to a man in a dress with plastic tits. only a gay man would be interested in a trannie. you lie about your sex to trick men into gay sex then, you deserve any retaliation sent your way.”

“My honest opinion; I prefer the natural-born(real) woman. I know guys who like transgenders, but that's just not my scene.”

After reading these comments, it seems that the main issue is the deception. The false advertising as a biological female and the feeling that you were “duped” can produce anger, which may lead to violence. There are men who may be comfortable enjoying sex with either males or females as long as they know what they’re dealing with from the start. There are also men who are ashamed and afraid to admit that they’d go for it. The 1948 Kinsey Report states: 37% of males had a least some overt homosexual experience to orgasm. I found this comment to be one of the most honest: “Is he/she gonna take care of my hardon? If so. I think id just go for it then never speak of it again.”

What would you do? Would you run for the hills or would you as Lou Reed puts it, “Take A Walk On The Wild Side?”

The Dawning Of The Selfish Orgasm

My friend, Ronna asked, “Karen, how do I know if I had an orgasm?” Scratching my head, I asked, “Have you ever masturbated?”

Her response, “No, but I have great sex with my husband.”

I firmly stated, “Ronna, you need to have a selfish orgasm.”

Ronna’s expression was like a deer caught in a truck’s headlights.

I thought: Is it possible that a 32-year-old woman had never masturbated and achieved an orgasm? Are there others out there with the same lack of orgasmic experience? This is a tragedy! Men talk about masturbating all the time. You hear male comedians constantly referring to “rubbing one out” or “whacking off” without a moment’s hesitation. Women tend to keep their masturbation hidden. I love nothing more than bringing up the subject with my friends. There are some who talk openly about their favorite vibrators, but there are others who are mortified to broach the subject. I want to scream, “Women, come out of the closet!” No pun intended on the use of the word, “come.” I feel that orgasms deserve the same equality as equal pay. It’s the dawning of the selfish orgasm for women.

What does it mean to have a selfish orgasm? It’s about having a delicious mindful orgasm without thinking about anyone else. Having an orgasm without worrying what your partner is thinking or feeling is liberating. If you’re in charge of your orgasm, you can regulate the timing and intensity. You can use toys, read sexy books, or watch porn while enjoying a stress free purely self-absorbed experience. Fantasizing plays a huge part in the build up to an orgasm. It’s a lot easier to focus on this alone, rather than simultaneously trying to balance the needs of your partner. Checking out your vagina in a mirror while playing with yourself can be a huge turn-on as well as a learning experience. How will you know what really gets your motor going if you haven’t tried out your vehicle first? You have the owner’s manual and learning what makes you purr is an individual process. Additionally, if you want to enjoy the same orgasmic bliss with a partner, you’ll have to school him as to what works for you. Once you figure out those details, you can articulate them to him (or her.) If you currently don’t have a partner, it’s all the more reason to keep your body sexually tuned up.

Having a selfish orgasm is giving yourself the pleasure that you deserve. It’s time to enjoy the benefits of being a woman, so explore, enjoy, and explode. Watch my video, "Why Women Should Masturbate."

The difference between an informed lover and an ignorant dude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK7vGGBroAk "I wrote dat chapter a looooong time ago :))" This is a post I received on my facebook wall after I shared my interview with celebrity porn star and sex educator, #NinaHartley - "How to perform amazing oral sex on a woman (part 1) with Nina Hartley."

Sorry dude, but if you watched and learned anything from this video, it's that there's always room to learn and that all women are unique. We are all lovely snowflakes with different beautiful vaginas! How can you really boast about "writing dat chapter" as if there was nothing to learn from someone as experienced with both men and women as a porn star, sex educator and author? Here's one of my favorite lines from the interview: "The difference between tolerating penetration and craving penetration is fifteen minutes." During those precious minutes, a lot of exploring, teasing, and unique communicating must occur between the couple. It all comes down to a Buddha quote, "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Dude, learn from everything and there are a lot of chapters that still need writing. For anyone wanting to better their sex life and provide orgasms for their partner, watch the videos, learn from them, and write some new novels!

How To Have A HOT & SEXY Valentine's Night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B74dIVpMC0 Would you like to know the secrets to having a HOT & SEXY Valentine's night? Valentine's day is one of the only days that encourages romance and sexuality. Sure there's your anniversary, birthday, or "Sweetest Day," but the one with the hearts and flowers is Valentine's Day. Speaking from both sides of the marital fence, it's exciting to have someone to hold on Valentine's Day. So if you have someone, make it a memorable Valentine's night this year. I was married for 24 years and every year my husband would bring home a new vibrator or piece of lingerie. Unfortunately he passed away, but those hot memories are still burning in my mind. I currently live with a man, and I want to keep the romance and sexy tradition going with him. I know the importance of keeping the spark alive. If you don't fan the fire, it's likely to burn out. That is a KarenLee original quote - feel free to tweet it.

Here are some awesome ideas for spicing it up this Valentine's night. Preparation is key for a sensual evening of fun. If you're not in a relationship, you can utilize some of the tips as a single guy or girl - you just need to be open to the idea that you don't need a partner to pleasure yourself. So here are my secrets to making this night rock:

- Clean sheets and a freshly made bed. It seems simple, but lots of people forget this basic concept. Nothing screams anti-romance like stained sheets and dirty covers!

- Freshly showered and groomed bodies. This includes bathing, finger and toe nails clipped, teeth brushed, and private parts trimmed up so the person you're with is turned on not off getting naked with you.

- Sexy music playlist with a stereo system or boombox It doesn't matter if your romantic musical taste is Marvin Gaye or JayZ, get it ready ahead of time so you don't kill the mood figuring out how to get the bluetooth going. You don't want to keep getting up in the middle of sex to change the song so make your playlist ahead of time.

- Scented candles Great sex utilizes all senses. If you get a few candles burning, several senses will be activated. A candle lit bedroom is great for making all those blemishes and pounds fade away.

- Lingerie and boxers without holes Wearing sexy teddies, thigh highs and crotchless panties are an instant turn on to both you and your partner. Men need to realize that boxers that are ripped and falling apart are NOT a turn on. Warning: If you are attempting to put on thigh high stockings, test them out before the evening since it requires a PHD sometimes to figure out how they're clipped onto the lingerie.

-Massage oil and personal lubricant A massage is great foreplay and warms up the body. Adding massage oil and lube to the mix will get the juices flowing. Try Sex Butter if you're looking for a long lasting smooth feel that happens to be organic. There are lubes such as Trojan's "Arouses and Intensifies" which will stimulate the areas that need stimulating.

-Sexy books like "The Lover's Guide To Kama Sutra" Finding a new sex position or reading about a different technique can get your engines running.

-Vibrators, whips, handcuffs or other adult toys My personal favorite vibrator is the Nea">"Nea" by Lelo because it can be used on the clitoris during sex, but there are others toys that are fun and sexy. If you want to go a little "50 Shades Of Grey," try introducing a rubber whip by Lelo. It's all in good fun and will give you something different to remember about the night. Variety is the spice of life!

-Refreshments Chocolates, strawberries, a bottle of water, and champagne will enhance your experience. Sex can work up an appetite and getting thirsty goes with the territory. Altoids will freshen your breath and can be used during oral sex too.

So those are my secrets to creating a hot and sexy Valentine's night. Watch my video to see the products and items that I mentioned. Send me your suggestions and I may mention them in future episodes of my YouTube channel: KarenLeePoter - LoveEncore

Penis & Vagina Enhancements by KarenLee Poter (LoveEncore)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Ygmg_haE0 Private Parts Discussed openly by KarenLee, Otto Placik, MD, and Todd of Men's Clinic of America in Chicago.

[Youtube_Channel_Gallery feed="playlist" user="PLVpIRpdDtDcrFYjV_8LM6MWULdIVDx26v" videowidth="580" ratio="16x9" theme="light" color="white" autoplay="0" rel="0" showinfo="0" maxitems="50" thumbwidth="125" thumbratio="16x9" thumbcolumns="3" title="1" description="0" thumbnail_alignment="top" descriptionwordsnumber="6" link="1"]

The Rules of the Road to Orgasm

Ladies – take charge of your orgasm. Stop blaming your partner for not making it happen during sex. Imagine you have a high performance vehicle that you place in the hands of a novice driver (your lover) each time you have sex. He wants you to reach the big O, but needs some help operating your vehicle. You are responsible for guiding your man to becoming an expert performance driver. Follow these 5 steps toward the climatic finish line: 1)   Become the expert mechanic of your vehicle. Do some self-discovery – masturbate. If you don’t know what stimulates you, how can you expect your partner to figure it out?  Lubricate your whole vaginal area, wetter is better! Using your fingers, try different tempos and pressure levels for reaching an orgasm. Play with your nipples and see how that adds to your experience. Read a book with sexual content and fantasize about anything that gets you revved up. Try a vibrator on your clitoris and/or inside your vagina. There is no bad way to reach an orgasm!

2)   Your car needs to be warmed up with foreplay! Men are wired differently than women. They can turn their ignition switches on and within a few minutes be raring to go. As a woman, you’ll need to be mentally and physically in the mood before your engine starts humming. It is your responsibility, to gradually slip out of work or mommy mode and into the sex goddess groove. Start planning your evening by wearing sexy undergarments all day. Shift your mind into sex gear while cooking dinner by fantasizing about what he will be doing to you later. Start a dialogue with flirty comments hours before the actual act. Text him a sexy picture or call him from another room, and both your motors will begin to purr.

3)   The clitoris is the engine! Your man is not a mind reader so explain how to best operate your vehicle. Tell your partner that he needs to focus on your clitoris. There are men out there who don’t know its importance. Could a man ejaculate without his penis being touched? The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, which is 4 times the amount in the head of a penis. If your man jumps into the driver’s seat, puts the key into the ignition, and doesn’t put the car into gear, that car isn’t going anywhere. If you don’t emphasize the importance of this essential car part, you only have yourself to blame.

4)   Give him the complete owner’s manual to your unique car. This can be addressed before, during and/or after sex. You’re the mechanic (see #1) so share the tricks of the trade with the driver. If you want a back massage, suggest it. If you’d like him to lick your clitoris, tell him. If he’s applying too much pressure or going too fast, let him know. If sex toys or blindfolds increase your excitement, pull them out. Don’t be embarrassed to share fantasies or role-play. He won’t know what turns you on unless you instruct him. Reinforce his actions by moaning, and showing him the road signs when he’s on the right path. If he doesn’t stop and ask for directions, give him your personal GPS. If you fake an orgasm, he’ll continue driving poorly in the future.

5)   Enjoy the ride, but don’t lay back and slip into cruise control. Be an active participant. The average female takes 20 to 40 minutes to achieve an orgasm. If it takes too much time under the hood, your man may need jaw surgery. Your mind may drift outside the bedroom, and you’ll need to guide it back to a sexual place. Rid yourself of inhibitions, touch yourself, and use toys while he’s working his magic. When you’re giving him oral sex, there’s nothing wrong with guiding his fingers to your clitoris, breasts or anus. Don’t be a back seat driver, jump in the front.

Achieving an orgasm with your partner is not a one-person responsibility. He wants to get optimal performance from your vehicle, but needs a little driver’s education. You own a special edition Porche, and if you can’t drive it, how can your man? Whether he’s known you for years, or he’s an eager new driver, nothing will please him more than seeing your car roll to a roaring stop after an exhilarating road trip.

When It Comes To Sex, How Important Is A Happy Vagina?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTf2j493oIc We all know that getting in the mood for sex is highly psychological. We realize you need to be turned on by your man before getting under the covers. We know the importance of feeling sexy and comfortable being naked with him. But here’s something that rarely gets mentioned: Is your vagina happy, healthy and ready for amazing sex?

Your vagina’s happiness plays a key role during lovemaking. It speaks to your brain about how it’s feeling and whether it wants to have sex. If your vagina is itchy, dry, discharging, or odorous, it will signal you to avoid your man’s fingers, nose, penis or tongue. Here are some tips for making your vagina healthy, happy, and yearning for your man’s touch.

Be your vagina detective. Using a mirror, check out your vagina by spreading the labia and observing what it looks like. Is there any discharge? Does it itch? Put a finger inside and get a sample of the mucous. What does it smell and taste like? Yes, you should taste your vaginal secretions. Does it taste acidic? What does the substance on your finger smell like? Does it smell like a fish? If you want your partner to give you oral pleasure, you should know your own flavor and scent. A neutral smelling and tasting vagina is a happy vagina.

Make sure your vagina is clean before having any type of sexual encounter. It can be part of your nightly routine along with brushing your teeth. You don’t need to use perfumes or douches, but you will feel more comfortable if you wash your vagina with a little mild soap and water prior to having sex. A clean vagina is a happy vagina.

The foods you ingest will change the taste and smell of your vaginal fluids. There are studies that say certain foods such as pineapples or cucumbers will make your vagina taste better. Green leafy vegetables help to neutralize an acidic taste that comes from dairy, alcohol, or meat. Eat some kale and spinach with your red wine at dinner to balance the flora in your vagina. A well-nourished vagina is a happy vagina.

So is your vagina happy and sending “all systems go” signals to your brain? Is it clean, free of odor, and neutral tasting? No matter how long you’ve known your partner, he deserves to have a pleasant experience when performing oral sex. Your relaxation and confidence when he’s tasting and smelling you is key to your reaching an orgasm. Knowing that your vagina is happy and healthy will definitely make you comfortable with your man and ready for amazing sex!

Listen To KarenLee On Renegade Talk Radio FM

KarenLee is the guest expert on Punani Friday each week with Marla and Rich on Renegade Talk Radio. Be prepared: They discuss highly explicit content!

7 Sexy Secrets About Cougars

Hello, my name is KarenLee and I am a COUGAR. This sounds like I belong in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I assure you that a Cougar is not a person with an addiction to younger men. I’m also not referring to a wild animal found in the Andes. What is a Cougar? The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men. Here’s a little information about me. I’m a widow with three children. When my husband passed away, I was 48 years old and had been married for 24 years. I had no clue what the singles world would be like, but after six months I decided it was time to find out. I went to a bar and realized that the majority of guys who approached me were under the age of 35.  I soon found out this wasn’t an anomaly, it happened every time. I didn’t approach the guys - they hit on me! At first I laughed about it to my friends, but then I came to the realization that maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. I was still grieving from the loss of my husband, and not looking for a serious relationship. The guys were smart, funny and upbeat. They had hair, straight teeth and were physically fit. They actively listened to me and genuinely enjoyed my company. This started my journey into the world of Cougardom. After many dates with younger men and being in a 4 year committed relationship with a man 15 years my junior, I feel that I have earned the title of “Cougar Coach.”

Here are 7 secrets to know about being a Cougar from Cougar Coach KarenLee:

1) Cougars take pride in their appearance. They exercise on a regular basis.  Couch potatoes and Cougars have only one thing in common…they both start with the letter C. Cougars wear sexy clothing and exude energy. They may have some stretch marks and a little extra padding, but they fight the gravitational pull of aging. You won’t see many gray haired Cougars. They feel comfortable in their own skin. They may wear more animal print and low cut blouses than their younger counterparts. Cougars have great posture and understand body language. When a Cougar enters a room, people notice her.

2) Cougars have confidence and ooze self-esteem. They have high social intelligence and know how to communicate their needs. They are comfortable demanding respect from a man of any age. Cougars are not afraid of being alone and can entertain themselves. Cougars don’t depend on men for their happiness or to feel complete. They aren’t needy and this quality is what frequently attracts younger men. They aren't looking for a husband and their biological clock isn't running out of time.

3) Cougars are financially self-sufficient. They don’t expect to be wined and dined by men. They like material possessions but don’t rely on men to purchase them. If they want to go to a restaurant, theater, or sporting event, they’ll be comfortable making arrangements on their own.

4) Cougars are spontaneous. They stay out late and may be the last to leave a party. They have to be flexible with the younger man’s last minute plans and inability to commit in advance. Cougars know how to have a good time.

5) Cougars enjoy sex! Younger men are keenly aware that older women have years of experience and know how to please them. Their confidence in the bedroom is a big reason for the attraction. A Cougar isn’t shy and communicates her sexual needs to her younger guy.

6) Cougars have to be able to handle the stigma of being a Cougar. Mrs. Robinson didn’t help the situation by perpetuating the myth of the younger man  as the innocent victim of the perverted older woman. Demi Moore paved the way for the older woman/younger man marriage, yet there is still a long road ahead for society to be accepting of the relationship. Cougars need to be comfortable with judgmental people who make snide comments about them. It’s sometimes difficult for children and parents of the couple to accept the unconventional nature of the relationship.

7) Cougars can have viable relationships with younger men. These relationships may begin as “friends with benefits,” but grow into something much deeper.  A large age gap places the couple in different stages of life, and complications are inevitable. For example: The younger man may want children and the older woman doesn’t or the established older woman may not want to put her life on hold while the younger man struggles with his career. On the plus side, women tend to live longer then men, so it makes sense to be with a younger man to have the same life span. There’s no denying the older woman/younger man obstacles are tough, but what relationship doesn’t have issues to work through?

Bottom line: Cougars are strong, independent women who know what turns them on. If they are attracted to a younger man, and the affection is reciprocated, what’s the harm? Age is a number and love has no boundaries. Let’s change the stigma of “Mrs. Robinson – aggressive predator of younger men” to “Cougar – assertive, self-sufficient partner of men who happen to be a few years her junior.” Those are a few morsels of kitty chow from Cougar Coach, KarenLee Poter. I host an internet talk show: LoveEncore. For more sex, dating, and relationship advice, check out my website: www.loveencore.com.

Let’s Talk About Sex

I’m reading “50 Shades of Grey,” whispered the blushing 60ish woman waiting for her nails to dry at the salon. “What’s it about?” I asked. “It’s about a girl with an older guy who’s into bondage and other kinds of S and M sex,” she replied. “Sounds like my kind of book,” I answered as I whipped out my phone to make a note of it. Shortly after that, I began hearing my friends discussing the book too. My friend, B downloaded it on her Kindle and began reading it on an airplane. She said she was so nervous the person next to her could see the large print, that she kept her arm covering it the entire trip. My friends’ husbands and boyfriends all claimed not to have read the books, but somehow were able to discuss certain explicit scenes in graphic detail. Everyone started to buzz about the books – mothers were sharing books with their daughters. My 80-year-old mother-in-law read the entire trilogy. The president of our temple brought it up in his appeal for funds stating, “We spend money on things like, “50 Shades of Grey,” which I’m certain every man in this room feels is money well spent.”

What took women so long to start talking about their fantasies and kinky desires? Guys have no problem talking about how they regularly masturbate or how they fantasize about younger or older women. I have always been comfortable talking about sex with practically everyone - except my parents. I remember getting my first vibrator back in college. I proudly showed my sorority sisters the pointy nose and little rabbit ears on my pink vibrating toy. I found tremendous pleasure reading books written by authors like Nancy Friday about women’s sexual fantasies. I gave copies to my close friends for holiday gifts a few years back, and although they rolled their eyes at me, I know they read them cover-to-cover. Sex is fun and talking about it is fun too. It’s a lot more entertaining than discussing news, weather or sports. One of the main causes of divorce is sexual incompatibility. The first step to solving this problem is to talk about it.

People are afraid to talk about sex and what they want from their partners. I’m here to say, TALK ABOUT SEX! Bring it up at when you go out with another couple for dinner. Ask them if they watch porn together. They may be shocked to hear that you tried it, but later they may decide to give it a whirl. If something worked for you such as using a small bullet vibrator during sex, why keep it a secret? Let’s keep the 50 shades revolution rolling and talk about sex. It’s not a shady subject anymore!

Release Your Inner Stripper

Yes, this means you! I don’t care if you’re married, single or something in between. It doesn’t matter if your butt looks more like Roseanne Barr’s than Kim Kardashian’s. Stripping does not mean pole dancing. I’ve taken a pole dancing class, and you need to be part lemur to be able to climb a pole. Think Gypsy Rose Lee meets Madonna. It means taking off your clothes in a seductive manner with candlelight, and sensual music in front of your man. Stripping will boost your confidence and make you feel sexy. After you try this, your guy may be in favor of throwing a few dollar bills your way. Why do you think strip clubs are popular? If you ever went to one you’d realize the following: the girls are usually not good dancers, they don’t have great bodies, and they aren’t drop dead gorgeous. They have or they’re very good at acting like they do! Men pay ridiculous amounts of money to see women remove cheap nightgowns and pretend they’re interested in the poor morons. It’s a huge turn on for a man to think he’s getting a personalized show – even if it’s your guy who’s in his Hanes boxers watching a South Park re-run. It makes you feel like you’re hot, even if you haven’t lost those 10 lbs on Jenny Craig.

You need to do a little preparation when creating a bedroom/strip club. No - you don’t need to install a pole in your bedroom. Start by digging out the pink sequined lingerie you bought on an impulse back in ’98. I highly advise trying on the more technical stuff such as “thigh highs” in advance, since they may require a PHD in lingerie engineering. I found out the hard way, when I told my man to sit back while I bolted into the bathroom to slip into something sexy. I pulled the nylons over my thighs, slipped on a black bustier with 125 hooks, attempted to clip the 4 dangling ribbons onto the nylons, and failed to get one to stay attached. After 20 minutes of sweating, swearing, and breaking a fingernail, I waltzed back in the room looking like a disheveled mess. Consequently, I’m partial to assembling all clothing under a silky robe in advance. Make sure that you wear high heels. Don’t worry, stripping doesn’t require much moving around – trust me I can barely walk in gym shoes. A little alcohol is good to relax you and free your inhibitions. Note the word “little.” Translation: Don’t get sloppy drunk because there’s nothing worse then rolling your ankle, screaming obscenities, and waking the kids when you’re trying to be seductive.

Lighting is also an important component. You never see a brightly lit strip club. My favorite line as I’ve gotten older is, “Darkness is my friend.” Who doesn’t have a little extra flab around their waste? Nothing works better than candlelight and a dimmed lamp when it comes to removing the signs of gravity on your body. Here’s where the little insecure person in you is saying, “I have too much hanging here,” or “I’d look stupid if I put on crotch less panties.” No you won’t! You’ll look great since it’s dark and he can barely make out more than your silhouette. Now that you’ve got his attention, he’ll be zeroing in on the mountains and the molehills.

Music is one of the most essential elements in creating the atmosphere needed for stripping. You don’t hear Jay Leno doing his monologue in a club. I have my favorite stripper songs. Try Christina Aguilera’s, “Nasty Naughty Boy” – the lyrics are very explicit.

Here is the play by play as to how to strip once the mood is set. Tell him you’ve got a surprise for him, but he’ll need to close his eyes. If you’re sparking his interest but he is engrossed in the 7th inning of the Mets game, grab the remote, turn down the lights and press play on your boom box. Start by slowly strutting by him in your robe, and letting the tie come loose. Tease him by running your finger down his leg and then backing away towards the wall. You may want to fantasize and close your eyes. Imagine you’re in a room full of leering men and you’re on stage as the star attraction. Press your back against the wall and squat down. As you rise up, open your robe so he gets a glimpse of the teddy. Prance around the bed and let the robe fall to the floor. Bend over him and let him inhale your perfume while you brush your hair against his face. Don’t let him touch you. If you know the words to the song, sing along and tell him he’s naughty for trying to grab you. By mid song remove your shoes and pull a strap off your shoulder. Lift one leg onto the bed and rub your body luxuriously. He may get over zealous and try speeding up the process by grabbing you, but hold your ground. Be playful and tell him to back off or you’re sending in “Bruce the Bouncer” to toss his ass in the alley. Keep taunting him by rubbing your body on his and then backing off.

Towards the end of the song, remove your gown and keep your panties on. Get completely naked and climb on top of your eager partner. The next part is self-explanatory, but I suggest continuing the role-playing to add variety to your lovemaking. Releasing the inner stripper in you is erotic and will bring a higher level of excitement to your sex life.  Try it and as Madonna says, “Express Yourself.”