Have You Discussed Your Sexual Boundaries?

“It's Ok For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys.” I received this message from a guy named, Sam: "Hi Karen. Can you advise? After a mostly happy marriage no sooner had the kids left home than my wife told me that she wanted to live a little. She had been brilliant and forgiven for me for two affairs I'd had when I was younger, but has now announced that this is her time. As if to prove it she's had cosmetic surgery, including a boob enhancement, and has now got herself a young stud that is apparently built like a stallion! She now says size and youth definitely do matter for her, and as I'm lacking when compared with him in both respects, I've just got to get over it. Although it was a shock at first I've now adjusted to her going out on the town with her young stud, with her looking like a million dollars and then coming home in the early hours to have sex in our marital bed while I'm next door trying to sleep in the spare room. It's not like she's out every night, and we're really happy in almost every other respect. But she's made it clear she won't give up her Cougar lifestyle either. And to be honest, I'm ok with that. What do you think?" My first reaction was one of shock - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Would anyone be ok with this situation? Then I got to thinking about it and thought hmmm if he's "ok" with it, what's the problem?

Here was my response: "Simple - If you're both ok, then leave it be. Hopefully she'll get it out of her system and that'll be that. Just make sure that you're both being honest with each other. It sounds like you're not a 100% into it from the tone of it, but that's something you'll have to examine further. Communication is key!"

Sam's next message provided more insights: "I believe that I've done the right thing by supporting Dana in her Cougar life style and being relaxed about her inviting young men to stay over in our house. Incidentally, it was partly a safety thing on my part - I felt better that Dana was safe and sound in our home while pursuing her new lifestyle. Also, I didn't mention that I'm fifteen years older than Dana and happier on the golf course than making out in bed these days! - so I felt she deserved a bit of action. Just didn't realize she'd be so popular with athletic guys in their twenties! Also, and it can be hard for a guy to admit this, she's always had a much stronger libido than me, and I've always had this sense that she needed more, both on the size and motion in the ocean front than I could give her. So it's kind of payback time. Dana has agreed to let me film her having sex with her young stud, Donnie. I can't help but be fascinated by what they get up to together, and I'm kind of proud that Dana can attract such hot young men. But they are lucky to have her too. I must be a voyeur! - I had no idea until now."

This led me to create an exciting video, “It's OK For My Wife To Have Sex With Young Guys” for my Internet channel, The KarenLee Poter Show. In the video, I talk about online dating (hook up) websites such as Ashley Madison, and the importance of an “agreement” between a couple on what sexual behavior is or isn't allowed. That agreement should be routinely visited if it’s anything other than monogamy. The comments from the viewers on my YouTube channel are particularly interesting. What are YOUR sexual boundaries?

Here’s the last message I received from Sam in response to my viewers' comments: "I don't want to join in, nor do I want to go chasing after younger women. I've learnt my lesson on that score, and I'm not really interested. Plus stop press, they let me sit in on one of their sessions by way of research for the proposed movie, and it was everything I hoped it would be - and more some. Thank you so much for your excellent advice."