Listen To KarenLee On Renegade Talk Radio FM

KarenLee is the guest expert on Punani Friday each week with Marla and Rich on Renegade Talk Radio. Be prepared: They discuss highly explicit content!

LELO PRODUCTS AND WHY THEY'RE THE BEST!

I love all the Lelo Products and wouldn't use any other personal massager. The designs are perfect for solo use or with a partner. Each vibrator is made of the best quality material and is fully rechargeable. No need for batteries that leak and run out at the worst times. The Lelo vibrators are waterproof and last for hours. They have a 10 year warrantee!

My favorites are Tiani 2 (couples massager) , Nea (for use with and without a partner) and the Ina 2. These products are worth the investment and will give you years of pleasure that you deserve. Treat yourself.

Watch the entertaining video of our "50 Shades Of Fun" party where I demonstrate and discuss the many uses of Lelo personal massagers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Rp2flue6s

A 10-Step Guide To Flirting With A Man Of Any Age

The Lost Art Of Flirting – 10 Steps To Becoming An Expert Flirt “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?” Did Mae West brazenly utter those words? Gasp! There are countless articles on the rules of dating, and she probably broke everyone of them with that flirtatious question. Was she being too bold? Does she appear too aggressive? Doesn’t she know how to play the game? Flirting has somehow become wrong. It has become a lost art.

Why is mastering the skill of flirting a good thing if you’re trying to get a date? The answer: Because men like confident women! They’re tired of always being the aggressors. They like women who are self-assured and know what they want. Flirting isn’t easy, but the rewards are great. The act of flirting can dramatically increase your chances of getting asked out on a date. At the very least, if the guy you’ve flirted with isn’t available, he’ll still find you entertaining and remember you in the future. Flirting is a great opportunity to let your personality shine through. Here are 10 steps to becoming an expert flirt:

#1 Say “Hello,” to a stranger every day. This may seem easy, but it can be quite intimidating. The exercise of smiling, making eye contact, and greeting a total stranger can be completely foreign to someone who hasn’t done this in the past. We were taught not to make contact with strangers since grade school, when we learned about, “Stranger Danger.” The simple act of saying “Hello,” to new people will brighten your day and those you greet.

#2 Compliment a co-worker, friend, or stranger by saying something unexpected and nice. If you aren’t able to leave the home, try saying a positive statement to someone on the phone. Watch and listen to the reaction you receive from that person.

#3 Introduce yourself to an unknown person. This can be anyone unfamiliar to you such as; your server at a restaurant, grocery cashier, or bus driver. Make sure you smile and look the person right in the eye as you say, “Hi, my name is KarenLee. What’s yours?”

#4 Go to a bar, restaurant, gym or any social gathering place and chat with a stranger. Talk to someone sitting at a coffee shop or strike up a conversation with a girl in a hair salon. The more comfortable you are with this step, the easier it is to start up a conversation with a man you are interested in getting to know.

#5 You are now ready to approach someone who you’d like to potentially date. This can take place anywhere such as: a bar, grocery store, dog park, or car wash. Be ready at all times, so you don’t kick yourself later about letting the guy get away. Once you’ve found your target, give him friendly eye contact and a big smile. He’s bound to respond positively.

#6 Make your move! Walk up to that person and say something relevant about him or your surroundings. You can talk about the weather, something on TV, or his hat. Bring up any subject that will get his attention. Make sure to give him great eye contact and full attention. Do not look at anyone else or pick up your cell phone. If he indicates disinterest, by turning away or grunting a one-word answer, move on to the next guy.

#7 Keep the conversation light and flowing. Tell a joke and respond to his attempts at humor. Ask a question, shut up and listen! This may seem obvious, but everyone likes to talk about his/her self or voice an opinion. If you listen intently and respond with a nod or smile, he’ll feel special. If he shows you pictures of his kids or dog, you know you’ve captivated his interest.

#8 Touch his arm, shoulder or hand. If you get really bold, you can brush your leg up against his. This tiny gesture will indicate that you’re interested in him more than a friend. This will help keep you out of, “The Friend Zone.” If he returns the gesture, you’re on the right path.

#9 Keep the conversation short, sexy and sweet. You want him to look forward to your next meeting. Find out if he’s in a relationship. If he’s available, tell him you need to leave, but would love to see him again. If he hasn’t asked for your number, think Mae West and say, “Here’s my cell, call me sometime and we’ll get together.”

#10 Get up and shake his hand, give him a quick hug or if you’re comfortable, give him a light kiss on the cheek. Tell him how happy you are to have met him, and say good-bye.

The art of flirting is not just about batting your eyelashes and tossing your hair. It’s a skill that lets a person know you’re a confident woman with high self-esteem. If you wait for the guy to approach you, it may never happen. Mae West knew the secrets to being an expert flirt and now you do too. Go out and break some of those dating rules. In the words of Dolly Parton, (another woman who perfected the art of flirting), “I love to flirt, and I never met a man I didn’t like.”

Personal Lubricant Review - Sex Butter by KarenLee Poter & Bonnie Gayle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Cdp6xDERA Sex Butter is an organic personal lubricant that is smooth, silky and highly desirable for sex and achieving orgasms. Watch KarenLee and Bonnie Gayle discuss the "quickies" that can happen using Sex Butter. To order Sex Butter go to: http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=1487061

Gary Buslik

Karen is a creative genius and has given me some of the best advice of my post-marriage life. Her site is brilliant.

Jim Woods

Karen Lee,Thank you for sharing. I really enjoy the thought, passion, and joy that you share in your videos. With your future content, I look forward to learning and applying your tips to add value to my life.

Jim C

excellent show! your a true profesional. Your show is already one of the the best shows on the Internet. I had no idea that many men have so many hangups and lack the knowledge of how to satisfy a woman

How To Look & Feel Sexy by KarenLee Poter (LoveEncore)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SROKHxVxDE KarenLee speaks openly about confidence and feeling sexy.

As seen on Huffington Post: Cougars: The Truth About These Sex-Hungry Ladies

A proud cougar reveals the top 10 myths and truths about older women dating younger men. I'm a card-carrying cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For the past 4 ½ years, I've been dating a man 15 years my junior. In addition to my personal experience, I host an Internet talk show called LoveEncore. It's about dating, sex and relationships the second time around. I've interviewed guests and experts about the subject of older women dating younger men, and noticed that these episodes received more views than any other by a landslide. I've received a plethora of questions and comments from all parts of the world on this hot topic. I'd like to de-bunk cougar myths and give the facts as to what dating a younger man is really like.

The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity—particularly the true hotties—as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men

Myth #1: A cougar is the hunter who preys on the innocent younger man.

Fact: Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type," such as preferring blondes to brunettes. I've discovered that somewhere along the way those attracted to cougars have had a prior positive experience with one. A cougar exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often it's the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator—in fact, it's the quite opposite.

Myth #2: A relationship between an older woman and younger man isn't viable, he'll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Ashton and Demi!

More from YourTango: Why Men Prefer Older Women In Bed [EXPERT]

Fact: Wrong! Ashton and Demi's problems were less about the age difference and more about her insecurity and his infidelity. Demi Moore may have set the stage for the "Cougar Era", but her self-esteem issues were not consistent with those of the typical cougar. The older woman who attracts a younger man is young-spirited. She gets bored with older men who many times lose their "joie de vivre" as they age. She's independent and spontaneous which fits well with an energetic younger guy. Cougars like their freedom and younger men are more apt to be comfortable in a less traditional relationship. Ashton was unfaithful because he's a cheater.

A proud cougar reveals the top 10 myths and truths about older women dating younger men.

Myth #3: A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common—for example they like different music. He's probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

Fact: When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. He's developed a taste for fine wine, since it's one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. Cougars have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth #4: The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has a brood.

Fact: This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children.

Myth #5: A cougar won't fit into younger man's social circle or vice versa.

Fact: The couple may experience some negativity especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I've personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth #6: A cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man.

Fact: Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. Any woman will age over time—probably not as gracefully as a cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality as much as her looks.

Myth #7: An older woman will miss out on her "golden years" while he's establishing his career. She'll want totravel and socialize which won't work with his schedule.

Fact: The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.

Myth #8: A younger man finds women his age to be sexier. They have less wrinkles and weight from pregnancies.

Fact: Men find cougars sexy regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. The energy of a cougar is very alluring to the younger man. Sex is usually an area where this couple excels.

Myth #9: Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother. Parents will resent the older woman for thwarting their son from having children.

Fact: Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.

Myth #10: A relationship with a cougar isn't viable and won't last over time.

Fact: This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years with the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.

7 Sexy Secrets About Cougars

Hello, my name is KarenLee and I am a COUGAR. This sounds like I belong in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I assure you that a Cougar is not a person with an addiction to younger men. I’m also not referring to a wild animal found in the Andes. What is a Cougar? The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men. Here’s a little information about me. I’m a widow with three children. When my husband passed away, I was 48 years old and had been married for 24 years. I had no clue what the singles world would be like, but after six months I decided it was time to find out. I went to a bar and realized that the majority of guys who approached me were under the age of 35.  I soon found out this wasn’t an anomaly, it happened every time. I didn’t approach the guys - they hit on me! At first I laughed about it to my friends, but then I came to the realization that maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. I was still grieving from the loss of my husband, and not looking for a serious relationship. The guys were smart, funny and upbeat. They had hair, straight teeth and were physically fit. They actively listened to me and genuinely enjoyed my company. This started my journey into the world of Cougardom. After many dates with younger men and being in a 4 year committed relationship with a man 15 years my junior, I feel that I have earned the title of “Cougar Coach.”

Here are 7 secrets to know about being a Cougar from Cougar Coach KarenLee:

1) Cougars take pride in their appearance. They exercise on a regular basis.  Couch potatoes and Cougars have only one thing in common…they both start with the letter C. Cougars wear sexy clothing and exude energy. They may have some stretch marks and a little extra padding, but they fight the gravitational pull of aging. You won’t see many gray haired Cougars. They feel comfortable in their own skin. They may wear more animal print and low cut blouses than their younger counterparts. Cougars have great posture and understand body language. When a Cougar enters a room, people notice her.

2) Cougars have confidence and ooze self-esteem. They have high social intelligence and know how to communicate their needs. They are comfortable demanding respect from a man of any age. Cougars are not afraid of being alone and can entertain themselves. Cougars don’t depend on men for their happiness or to feel complete. They aren’t needy and this quality is what frequently attracts younger men. They aren't looking for a husband and their biological clock isn't running out of time.

3) Cougars are financially self-sufficient. They don’t expect to be wined and dined by men. They like material possessions but don’t rely on men to purchase them. If they want to go to a restaurant, theater, or sporting event, they’ll be comfortable making arrangements on their own.

4) Cougars are spontaneous. They stay out late and may be the last to leave a party. They have to be flexible with the younger man’s last minute plans and inability to commit in advance. Cougars know how to have a good time.

5) Cougars enjoy sex! Younger men are keenly aware that older women have years of experience and know how to please them. Their confidence in the bedroom is a big reason for the attraction. A Cougar isn’t shy and communicates her sexual needs to her younger guy.

6) Cougars have to be able to handle the stigma of being a Cougar. Mrs. Robinson didn’t help the situation by perpetuating the myth of the younger man  as the innocent victim of the perverted older woman. Demi Moore paved the way for the older woman/younger man marriage, yet there is still a long road ahead for society to be accepting of the relationship. Cougars need to be comfortable with judgmental people who make snide comments about them. It’s sometimes difficult for children and parents of the couple to accept the unconventional nature of the relationship.

7) Cougars can have viable relationships with younger men. These relationships may begin as “friends with benefits,” but grow into something much deeper.  A large age gap places the couple in different stages of life, and complications are inevitable. For example: The younger man may want children and the older woman doesn’t or the established older woman may not want to put her life on hold while the younger man struggles with his career. On the plus side, women tend to live longer then men, so it makes sense to be with a younger man to have the same life span. There’s no denying the older woman/younger man obstacles are tough, but what relationship doesn’t have issues to work through?

Bottom line: Cougars are strong, independent women who know what turns them on. If they are attracted to a younger man, and the affection is reciprocated, what’s the harm? Age is a number and love has no boundaries. Let’s change the stigma of “Mrs. Robinson – aggressive predator of younger men” to “Cougar – assertive, self-sufficient partner of men who happen to be a few years her junior.” Those are a few morsels of kitty chow from Cougar Coach, KarenLee Poter. I host an internet talk show: LoveEncore. For more sex, dating, and relationship advice, check out my website: www.loveencore.com.

Debunking 10 Cougar Myths

I'm a card-carrying Cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For the past 4 ½ years, I’ve been involved with a man 15 years my junior. In addition to my personal experience, I host an Internet talk show called LoveEncore. It’s about dating, sex and relationships the second time around. I’ve interviewed guests and experts about the subject of older women dating younger men, and noticed that these episodes received more views than any other by a landslide. I’ve received a plethora of questions and comments from all parts of the world on this hot topic. I'd like to de-bunk the Cougar myths and give the LoveEncore "E-SPOTS" as to what dating a younger man is really like. The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men.

Myth #1:                A Cougar is the hunter who preys on the innocent younger man.

E-SPOT:            Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type" such as preferring blondes to brunettes. I've discovered that somewhere along the way those attracted to Cougars have had a prior positive experience with one. Cougars exude self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often it’s the younger man that approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator–in fact, it's the quite opposite.

Myth #2               A relationship between an older woman and younger man isn’t viable, he’ll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Ashton and Demi!

E-SPOT:                 Wrong! Ashton and Demi’s problems were less about the age difference and more about her insecurity and his infidelity. Demi Moore may have set the stage for the “Cougar Era”, but her self-esteem issues were not consistent with those of the typical Cougar. The older woman who attracts a younger man is young spirited. She gets bored with older men who many times lose their “joie de vivre” as they age. She’s independent and spontaneous which fits well with an energetic younger guy. Cougars like their freedom and younger men are more apt to be comfortable in a less traditional relationship. Ashton was unfaithful because he’s a cheater.

Myth #3             A younger man won’t be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common - for example they like different music. He’s probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

E-SPOT:             When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. He’s developed a taste for fine wine, since it’s one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. Cougars have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth #4:            The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has a brood.

E-SPOT:             This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn’t. Having children isn’t a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won’t pressure them to get married and have children.

Myth #5:             A Cougar won’t fit into younger man’s social circle or vice versa.

E-EPOT:            The couple may experience some negativity especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I’ve personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?” Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple’s choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth #6:             A Cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man.

E-SPOT:             Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. Any woman will age over time - probably not as gracefully as a Cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he’s usually there because of her personality equally as much as her looks.

Myth #7             An older woman will miss out on her “golden years” while he’s establishing his career. She’ll want to travel and socialize which won’t work with his schedule.

E-SPOT:            The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.

Myth #8:            A younger man finds women his age to be sexier. They have less wrinkles and weight from pregnancies.

E-SPOT:            Men find Cougars sexy regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. The energy of a Cougar is very alluring to the younger man. Sex is usually an area where this couple excels.

Myth #9:            Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother. Parents will resent the older woman for thwarting their son from having children.

E-SPOT:            Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.

Myth #10:            A relationship with a Cougar isn’t viable and won’t last over time.

This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years with the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.

This was posted in YourTango and Huffington Post

10 Differences Dating A Widow Vs A Divorcee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xKxFP1EMKE Six months after my husband died, I decided to venture out into the single’s world. I sauntered into a swanky downtown Chicago restaurant with a divorced female friend. She left me perched on a bar stool to go to the restroom. I stared at the glassware on the shelves behind the bar and a guy suddenly appeared, “So when did you get divorced?

I replied, “I didn’t get divorced.”

He said, “Well where’s your husband?”

Never one to pass up a good line, I said, “Six feet under.”

That resulted in a jaw dropping, confused, uncomfortable, pitiful facial expression, as he stammered, “I’m so sorry.”

I blurted out, “But I didn’t kill him!”

This opened the door to a litany of questions: “Do you mind if I ask what happened? Do you have kids? Was that very difficult for you?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I mumbled.

The next question was a shocker, “Do you mind if I ask you how long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

My response without missing a beat, “Twenty-four hours.”

That interchange was my initiation into the “Planet Single Bar Hopping Phase.” I later entered the “Planet Single Dating Phase.”  Here are 10 tips to understanding the differences in dating widows vs divorcees: 1) Divorcees didn’t have a happy marriage otherwise they’d still be married. Widows had a happy marriage – or at least they only remember the happier times. 2) Divorcees have spouses who are regularly involved in their children’s lives. The spouse helps with decisions about the kids; attends their sporting events, theater performances, and weddings. Widows don’t have co-parents to rely on, but also don’t have listen to their opinions on child rearing. 3) Divorcees get a break from parenting if they have shared custody. Widows have a full time parenting gig. 4) Divorcees may get some ongoing financial support for the children and/or alimony payments. 
Widows may have inherited life insurance, but it’s typically a one-time payment. 5) Divorcees may have hostility towards the ex and perhaps the entire female/male population. Widows generally have a favorable opinion about the opposite sex. 6) Divorcees may feel relieved to be single again and eager to jump back into dating and sex. Widows may feel abandoned by the death of their spouse, and reluctant to try new relationships. They may feel guilty about being disloyal to the deceased if they date a new person. 7) Divorcees have to deal with an ex who may be a pain in the butt. Widows don’t come with the ex factor baggage. 8) Divorcees may compare the new person with the ex. The new partner may feel the need to prove that he/she is different than the ex. Widows will talk about their deceased spouse, and this can be annoying. 9) Divorcees likely didn’t have the best sex life towards the end of the marriage. They may be excited to be with someone who enjoys sex and wants to be intimate again. Widows in happy marriages may have had a decent sex life and want to have it again. 10) Divorcees frequently have had family & friends who sided with one spouse over the other. Widows’ family & friends may be happy to include the new person into their lives or it may be hard for that guy/girl to walk in the shadow of the deceased.

Can widows be happy dating divorcees and vice versa? Absolutely, knowing the history of your partner’s past is key to a successful future relationship.

Infidelity and The Bald Eagle

Why did the US choose the bald eagle as our national emblem on June 20, 1782? Is it because the bald eagle symbolizes long life, superior strength, beauty and only lives in North America? Or is it because he mates for life? Does the symbol of the bald eagle put unrealistic expectations of fidelity on married public officials? Was our country founded on the idea that we should be monogamous? Is that what makes our leaders admirable role models? David Petraeus was the director of the CIA and a four-star general serving over 37 years in the US Army. Did his rendezvous with Paula Broadwell affect his job performance? Is there any reason to believe that he was having a tryst during the Benghazi attack? The American public doesn’t trust cheaters. Do public officials cheat more than the average Joe? The percentage of cheating is probably the same, but it’s not tolerated in the public eye. This is hypocritical since no one would expect your physician or mailman to resign from his post for having an affair.

Why would a man be disloyal to the person he married? The answer: because he made the choice to cheat. No one forced the married man to have sex with another woman. It’s a choice with consequences. The public official must have some inkling he might get caught if he cheats. He also has to realize as he’s stripping off his clothes with a prostitute i.e. Eliot Spitzer, the working girl may want to make some cash and become an overnight celebrity. The thought must cross a politician’s mind that he could end up losing his job. Hiding a pregnancy can ruin political ambitions such as the case with John Edwards. Do public figures believe they’re omnipotent and won’t get caught?

Maybe it’s okay to cheat if one holds a public office. Newt Gingrich justified his cheating by stating that he worked too hard and acted inappropriately due to his passion for his country. Martin Luther King Jr. cheated on his wife and received a Nobel Peace Prize. Does mating for life really matter when it comes to public officials maintaining their jobs? America should lower its expectations and change the national emblem to the North American Jackrabbit. No one would fault a rabbit for cheating.

Let’s Talk About Sex

I’m reading “50 Shades of Grey,” whispered the blushing 60ish woman waiting for her nails to dry at the salon. “What’s it about?” I asked. “It’s about a girl with an older guy who’s into bondage and other kinds of S and M sex,” she replied. “Sounds like my kind of book,” I answered as I whipped out my phone to make a note of it. Shortly after that, I began hearing my friends discussing the book too. My friend, B downloaded it on her Kindle and began reading it on an airplane. She said she was so nervous the person next to her could see the large print, that she kept her arm covering it the entire trip. My friends’ husbands and boyfriends all claimed not to have read the books, but somehow were able to discuss certain explicit scenes in graphic detail. Everyone started to buzz about the books – mothers were sharing books with their daughters. My 80-year-old mother-in-law read the entire trilogy. The president of our temple brought it up in his appeal for funds stating, “We spend money on things like, “50 Shades of Grey,” which I’m certain every man in this room feels is money well spent.”

What took women so long to start talking about their fantasies and kinky desires? Guys have no problem talking about how they regularly masturbate or how they fantasize about younger or older women. I have always been comfortable talking about sex with practically everyone - except my parents. I remember getting my first vibrator back in college. I proudly showed my sorority sisters the pointy nose and little rabbit ears on my pink vibrating toy. I found tremendous pleasure reading books written by authors like Nancy Friday about women’s sexual fantasies. I gave copies to my close friends for holiday gifts a few years back, and although they rolled their eyes at me, I know they read them cover-to-cover. Sex is fun and talking about it is fun too. It’s a lot more entertaining than discussing news, weather or sports. One of the main causes of divorce is sexual incompatibility. The first step to solving this problem is to talk about it.

People are afraid to talk about sex and what they want from their partners. I’m here to say, TALK ABOUT SEX! Bring it up at when you go out with another couple for dinner. Ask them if they watch porn together. They may be shocked to hear that you tried it, but later they may decide to give it a whirl. If something worked for you such as using a small bullet vibrator during sex, why keep it a secret? Let’s keep the 50 shades revolution rolling and talk about sex. It’s not a shady subject anymore!

Ten Reasons To NOT Date A Married Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyawj1-B9sc Laura from Chicago asked me: What’s wrong with going out with a married man - especially if he says his marriage is on the rocks, he plans on leaving his wife, and he hasn’t had sex with her in years?

Here are ten reasons why you shouldn’t “date” a married man:

1)   If he’s unhappy – he should leave. PERIOD! Yes it’s hard financially, but it’s got to be done. Yes, it may be hard on the kids, but its worse to set an example of a bad marriage.

2)   Once a cheat, always a cheat. I know a couple that both cheated on their spouses and got married. After 15 years, they’re both cheating on each other. Do you want to be with a cheater? Do you want to be with someone who lies on a daily basis to his wife about who he’s been with? If he cheated with his wife, he’ll most likely cheat on you.

3)   You’ll be a home wrecker. Do you want to have that on your conscious? What will that woman think of you? What will you think of yourself? Will this help build your self-confidence?

4)   He says he’s in an “open marriage”. That’s fine, but does she know that it’s open? Do you want to be with a liar? Do you want to be with someone untrustworthy?

5)   Do you want to be the backup quarterback? Why shouldn’t you be the starter? Do you want to miss out on holidays, weddings, and Saturday nights, while he takes her out in public? Do you want to always be in hiding? Yes it’s exciting to have an afternoon rendezvous in a hotel, but that gets old. You deserve to be Numero Uno.

6)   Who the hell does he think he is, and why does he get his cake and eat it too? What makes him so special that he gets to be with two women? Why do you want to be with a selfish, entitled person?

7)   If the wife finds out, you’ll be opening a door to have her anger spill out on you and your family. Your reputation is at stake. Why give up the control you have on your life – remember, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” Yes he’ll tell you that he erases the texts, but how can you be sure that he never makes a mistake? A friend told me that he found out his wife cheated on him when he borrowed her phone and saw the post sex texts.

8)   Single men are more likely to give you the respect and honesty that you hope to get in a relationship. You’ll get neither of that by getting involved with a married man. He’s okay with you waiting for him to break free of his family obligations? That’s not being respectful!

9)   Diseases! He may be cheating on you as well as his wife. Don’t think he’s honest about wearing condoms! I know someone who was with a married man who later told her he was seeing many other women and had contracted HERPES! Remember, the difference between love and herpes? Herpes lasts forever.

10) It’s wrong! I’m open-minded and think that experimenting with like minded people is something personal and not to be judged. However, you’re participating in a dishonest, unethical activity. It’s one of the Ten Commandments! Don’t do it. The momentary pleasure is not worth the long-standing feelings of guilt and remorse.

Five Pet Peeves For Profile Pictures

We’ve all heard the adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” On a dating website, the attractiveness of your profile picture determines whether you’ll get winks, nods, or future dates. That picture is the gatekeeper that allows you to move into the “worth checking out” category. Unfortunately, the time you put into writing 1,000 words about your interests and passions will be for nothing if you don’t have an appealing picture. And while choosing a few photos sounds easy enough, you must realize you’re revealing much more than your image. Take heed of the following profile picture mistakes: 1) Wearing Sunglasses

“The eyes are the windows of the soul.” It doesn’t matter if Shakespeare or DaVinci said this. Those beautiful orbs convey a rainbow of emotions. You can easily find something endearing about their color, shape, or size. Staring into a person’s eyes has been a subject of romance novels and films throughout time. They identify a person just as well as a fingerprint does. Why would you cover them up?  Perhaps you’re hiding something, like you’re not divorced yet.  Or you lack confidence in your looks, or you think you’re too cool to be on a dating site. Unless you work for a sunglass company, don’t pick a photo of you wearing shades.

2) Blurry, old, or someone other than you

If you want a potential date, don’t throw a fuzzy picture up on the screen.  Take the time to find a distinct representation of you. If you have a camera on your phone, you should be able to get a clear photo of yourself. Possible explanations for blurry pics: you’re hiding your wrinkles or some physical flaw, the picture is ten years old, or the person isn’t you in the photo. A friend told me his blind date had used a Victoria Secret model’s photo. When questioned, she explained that her mother says she looks like one. Let’s agree that this won’t fly under normal circumstances. Use a focused, well-lit, current picture, or you’ll be in for a rough date when he/she sees you in person.

 3) Frowning, unkempt, or giving the finger

The last thing you want is for him/her to see you as an angry, depressed person. Unless you’re in prison, don’t choose a mug shot (and even then, you probably don’t want to bring up the prison part til at least the second date). Frowning in front of the camera doesn’t indicate confidence or high self-esteem. Unshaven and wearing sloppy clothes won’t make the women gravitate to you. Swearing in sign language isn’t funny and doesn’t translate to classy. In photography’s early days, smiling was difficult because subjects needed to hold a pose for hours. Why would you scowl at the camera? Maybe you’re an unhappy, insecure person. Maybe you hate all mankind. Or maybe you want to let people know that you’re a miserable SOB. If any of those statements are true for you, you shouldn’t be seeking a relationship, you should be seeking therapy.

4) Animals, children or friends

Golden Retrievers, Mickey Mouse and your daughter’s bridal party are great for Facebook photo albums – not dating profile pictures. This is your time to shine. You don’t want the focus of your potential mate to go from you to your golf buddies. A profile picture of a chubby man standing next to a baby elephant once astounded me. Did he think appearing with a pachyderm would make him look smaller? Was he trying to attract someone in the circus? Why use distractions in your profile pictures? Here are some explanations: You’re trying to attract a dog sitter, you want to show that you’re popular, or you’re obsessed with Disneyland. Keep it about you!

5) Chicago Bulls and bragging

The Porche may attract a “gold digger” if that’s who you’re looking to snag. A snapshot of you, Derrick Rose and Luol Deng is exciting, but ask if yourself if she’s more likely to be looking at you… or DaBulls? A photo of you beaming with pride in front of a yacht may send guys running for the hills at the prospect of supporting a high maintenance gal. Why show off your material possessions? It could mean you want to brag, you’re conceited, you’re insecure about your body and want the attention drawn to your wealth, or you want to let the world know that you’re looking for a sugar daddy who can keep you in the lifestyle you crave. Nothing is wrong with material possessions as long as they don’t define you – keep the toys out of the photo.

Your best chance of getting a wink from an attractive person is to post an equally mesmerizing photo of you. When all is said and done, take a look at your picture. Would you date this person?

Release Your Inner Stripper

Yes, this means you! I don’t care if you’re married, single or something in between. It doesn’t matter if your butt looks more like Roseanne Barr’s than Kim Kardashian’s. Stripping does not mean pole dancing. I’ve taken a pole dancing class, and you need to be part lemur to be able to climb a pole. Think Gypsy Rose Lee meets Madonna. It means taking off your clothes in a seductive manner with candlelight, and sensual music in front of your man. Stripping will boost your confidence and make you feel sexy. After you try this, your guy may be in favor of throwing a few dollar bills your way. Why do you think strip clubs are popular? If you ever went to one you’d realize the following: the girls are usually not good dancers, they don’t have great bodies, and they aren’t drop dead gorgeous. They have or they’re very good at acting like they do! Men pay ridiculous amounts of money to see women remove cheap nightgowns and pretend they’re interested in the poor morons. It’s a huge turn on for a man to think he’s getting a personalized show – even if it’s your guy who’s in his Hanes boxers watching a South Park re-run. It makes you feel like you’re hot, even if you haven’t lost those 10 lbs on Jenny Craig.

You need to do a little preparation when creating a bedroom/strip club. No - you don’t need to install a pole in your bedroom. Start by digging out the pink sequined lingerie you bought on an impulse back in ’98. I highly advise trying on the more technical stuff such as “thigh highs” in advance, since they may require a PHD in lingerie engineering. I found out the hard way, when I told my man to sit back while I bolted into the bathroom to slip into something sexy. I pulled the nylons over my thighs, slipped on a black bustier with 125 hooks, attempted to clip the 4 dangling ribbons onto the nylons, and failed to get one to stay attached. After 20 minutes of sweating, swearing, and breaking a fingernail, I waltzed back in the room looking like a disheveled mess. Consequently, I’m partial to assembling all clothing under a silky robe in advance. Make sure that you wear high heels. Don’t worry, stripping doesn’t require much moving around – trust me I can barely walk in gym shoes. A little alcohol is good to relax you and free your inhibitions. Note the word “little.” Translation: Don’t get sloppy drunk because there’s nothing worse then rolling your ankle, screaming obscenities, and waking the kids when you’re trying to be seductive.

Lighting is also an important component. You never see a brightly lit strip club. My favorite line as I’ve gotten older is, “Darkness is my friend.” Who doesn’t have a little extra flab around their waste? Nothing works better than candlelight and a dimmed lamp when it comes to removing the signs of gravity on your body. Here’s where the little insecure person in you is saying, “I have too much hanging here,” or “I’d look stupid if I put on crotch less panties.” No you won’t! You’ll look great since it’s dark and he can barely make out more than your silhouette. Now that you’ve got his attention, he’ll be zeroing in on the mountains and the molehills.

Music is one of the most essential elements in creating the atmosphere needed for stripping. You don’t hear Jay Leno doing his monologue in a club. I have my favorite stripper songs. Try Christina Aguilera’s, “Nasty Naughty Boy” – the lyrics are very explicit.

Here is the play by play as to how to strip once the mood is set. Tell him you’ve got a surprise for him, but he’ll need to close his eyes. If you’re sparking his interest but he is engrossed in the 7th inning of the Mets game, grab the remote, turn down the lights and press play on your boom box. Start by slowly strutting by him in your robe, and letting the tie come loose. Tease him by running your finger down his leg and then backing away towards the wall. You may want to fantasize and close your eyes. Imagine you’re in a room full of leering men and you’re on stage as the star attraction. Press your back against the wall and squat down. As you rise up, open your robe so he gets a glimpse of the teddy. Prance around the bed and let the robe fall to the floor. Bend over him and let him inhale your perfume while you brush your hair against his face. Don’t let him touch you. If you know the words to the song, sing along and tell him he’s naughty for trying to grab you. By mid song remove your shoes and pull a strap off your shoulder. Lift one leg onto the bed and rub your body luxuriously. He may get over zealous and try speeding up the process by grabbing you, but hold your ground. Be playful and tell him to back off or you’re sending in “Bruce the Bouncer” to toss his ass in the alley. Keep taunting him by rubbing your body on his and then backing off.

Towards the end of the song, remove your gown and keep your panties on. Get completely naked and climb on top of your eager partner. The next part is self-explanatory, but I suggest continuing the role-playing to add variety to your lovemaking. Releasing the inner stripper in you is erotic and will bring a higher level of excitement to your sex life.  Try it and as Madonna says, “Express Yourself.”

Good Relationships Take Three Trimesters

Everyone knows it takes three trimesters to hear the first cries of a newborn baby. But did you know it takes three trimesters to give birth to a real solid relationship? Unfortunately, the time frame is different. Good relationships don’t necessarily take nine months; they may take nine years for your delivery. First Trimester: Like the feelings you have when you find out you’re pregnant, the initial surge of excitement when you connect with someone is intense and euphoric. The first few dates are heart pounding and your hormone switch flips into high gear. You can’t wait to kiss that person at the end of a date. Your days are consumed by thoughts of the new guy/girl. You think this person is too good to be true and red flags are quickly overlooked or minimized. For example: Did he/she cheat on an ex before getting divorced? You easily come up with a rationale, such as: his ex was a “psycho,” or her ex was a “control freak.” You explain the cheating with, “Their marriage was on the rocks, and they were just staying together for the kids.” You overlook annoying behaviors like his obnoxiously loud laugh, or the way she sends her food back every time you go out to dinner.  The first trimester is a whirlwind of wild sex and passion that you can’t imagine ever changing. Everything he/she does is so cute! You start to believe that this person could be “The One.”

Second Trimester: The bun is cooking in the oven, and the reality of how life will change with your new baby is starting to hit home. You try not to go there, but you notice some flaws that seem to seep through that impenetrably perfect person.  For example: His snoring didn’t seem so loud at first, but now you’re wondering if you’ll need to take Ambien every time you have a sleepover. You never realized that if she didn’t make the plans for the evening, she would shut down all your ideas. You start to notice that what you thought was an isolated incident of his losing his temper when a car cut him off was really a horrible problem with road rage. The little things that were no big deal in the first trimester have started to really bother you. This person has begun to lose some footing on the pedestal that was once a solid granite nonslip pillar. You mentally start weighing the pros and cons of seeing him/her in the future.

Third Trimester: The little bundle of joy is about to arrive, and you’ve accepted the fact that life is going to be different. You begin to communicate and figure out how to deal with the small issues that annoy you about the other person. You focus on the positive aspects of the man/woman you’re dating. For example: You sleep in separate bedrooms on the nights you know he drank a few too many Johnny Walkers and will snore louder than a lawn mower. Conversely, there are character flaws that are intolerable and can’t be overlooked. She yells at you and humiliates you in public. You try talking to him about your feelings, and he storms out of the room and doesn’t call you for days. You find out that she cheated on you when she went skiing in Aspen. This is the make-it-or-break-it part of the pregnancy and determines the future of the relationship.

Giving birth to a real relationship is not easy and unlike the inevitability of a baby, you may decide to break up. It can be a stressful, uncomfortable, bumpy road, just like going through the aches and pains of carrying a baby. Is it worth it? Absolutely–everyone wants to find “The One.” You just need to go through all three trimesters until you feel that first slap on the tush.