What's so good about "Cougars?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0i8dvsVr1E Cougars love concerts!

Kids Watching Porn? What Is A Parent's Responsibility?

Does watching porn make your child more likely to engage in early sexual acts? Is it a parent's responsibility to limit the amount of pornography a child watches to protect him from problems like sex addiction in the future? According to The Huffington Post, a study suggests that  pornography may slightly influence how teens have sex. I suggest opening the lines of communication with your children early on about pornography and it's influences. A friend of mine told me she was very upset to learn that her kids ages 11 and 13 were watching porn on their computers. She didn't know what to do. Here's how the conversation went:

Linda: My older son, Jake and his friends have been watching porn on the internet. I don't know what to do about it?

Me: How'd you find out?

Linda: My younger son, Drew told me. To make matters worse, Drew announced that he was watching it as well.

Me: I think they all are exposed to it around this age.

Linda: I am horrified. I saw a scene on Jake's laptop where one girl was having anal sex with multiple men. This is giving my sons a warped view about sex. I'm afraid porn is teaching my kids that girls are to be used as sex objects.

Me: I'll ask my older son, Charlie who's in college for his opinion.

I was shocked to hear that my older son had also started watching porn in junior high school. Charlie said he didn't watch it often because he was too busy with activites and school. I believe communication is key, and felt Linda should talk to her kids about it. Linda decided to tell the kids her viewpoint. They talked about it, and she shared her concerns that they were getting a terrible view on what sex was all about. The younger boy stopped watching porn. The older one refused. He was hooked.

We all grew up with a certain amount of pornography. I looked through Playgirl Magazines,  and my friends found their Dad's VCR tapes. The main difference between the porn we grew up with and internet porn of today is the easy access, variety and amount available. A 13 year old boy watching gang banging and anal sex is receiving messages that are hard (no pun intended) to process at any age. To further compound the problem, this may ultimately not be stimulating enough, and he may seek kinkier, bizarre or more violent sex acts to watch in order to get turned on as he gets accustomed to watching internet porn.

I checked back with my friend Linda one year later. Her son Jake was now a freshman in high school. He was constantly talking about getting blow jobs and wanting other sexual acts from girls. She said that he was still watching a lot of porn. She didn't allow him to watch it on his computer, but since he paid his own cell phone bill, he was free to watch it on his phone. Here's how the next conversation went:

Linda: Jake did something disgusting the other day.

Me: What?

Linda: He was at a friend's house and his parents were out of town. There was a party and Jake got a girl to give him a blow job in the friend's bedroom. The friend was very angry at Jake.

Me: Was that his girl friend.

Linda: No, he barely knew her.

Is there a relationship between Jake's early desire for blowjobs from girls he doesn't know or care about and the variety of internet porn he's watching on a regular basis? An Australian study has shown that sexual arousal decreases over time with repeated displays of the same erotic film. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10846806. If Jake is constantly watching porn and presumably masterbating, will he be satisfied with "normal sex" when the time is right? Will he need more stimulating sex acts like the porn he watched as a child?

What is the parent's responsibility in protecting a child from watching porn?

Why Is The Cougar Hunted By So Many Men?

Learn why the cougar is hunted by so many men. The younger man who has a sexual encounter with an older woman will remember it as some of the best sex of his life. The benefits will continue when the young man is ready for a relationship with a girl of his age. One result to having experienced sex with a cougar is the attraction may end up becoming his "type." Once you're with a cougar, you'll be hard pressed to find a better tutor.

Here are ten reasons younger men say older women are sexually superior to their younger counterparts:

1. It's a numbers game. Cougars' age alone means many more years of experience with multiple partners. Before marriage, they may have had a few partners. Post divorce, the notches on their bedposts may have gone up exponentially.

2. Older women have had lots of practice. Cougars have been in long term relationships and marriages, which have provided years of sexual experience with one partner. Those memories are implanted into the older woman's brain, and whether good or bad have shaped her sexual expertise.

3. Older women know what they want. Their self-awareness comes from years of experience and communicating with sexual partners. They've tried different positions, techniques, and fetishes. They've self-pleasured themselves for many years, and aren't afraid of communicating the stuff that really gets them purring. If the girl doesn't know what she wants, it's hard for the man to figure it out. Cougars know exactly what they want and which buttons the guy needs to press.

4. Cougars have learned what men want ... and are eager to find out the specific desires of their current boyfriend. They've been taught by a variety of partners which positions and techniques turn men on. They ask questions and figure out what makes their man roar like the king of a lion's den. What they don't know, they will research in books, movies or on the Internet.

5. The older woman enjoys sex as much as her younger male partner without hidden agendas. They don't have any delusions that they are going to hook this man into marriage and/or start a family. This takes the pressure off a man who just wants to have fun without obligations. This stress relief is a major reason sex is great with an older woman who's not as "needy or demanding."

6. Older women realize the importance of sex in a relationship. She may have been in a marriage where sex was withheld. She won't use sex as a bargaining chip or to try to get something materialistic from the younger man. Cougars know the psychological and physical benefits to regular sex. 

7. It's flattering to the younger man that a hot older woman finds him desirable. It's a challenge to be with an attractive, sexy older lady who is physically fit and keeps herself well groomed. She has the time to take care of herself since her children are older and less dependent.

8. Older women enjoy teaching their eager younger students. They know when to be dominant and submissive. The man senses this knowledge and power, which is very stimulating. The older woman will buy books, lingerie, sex toys, candles and wine to set the mood.

9. Older women have confidence in their bodies and sexual prowess. This is a huge turn on for men who may have been with young girls who are just learning the ropes. The younger girls may be self-conscious and uncomfortable talking dirty in bed. Older women are spontaneous and comfortable being naked.

More from YourTango: A 10-Step Guide To Flirting With A Man Of Any Age [EXPERT]

10. Older women aren't afraid of communicating. The younger man will know exactly where he stands with her. She won't play mind games with her younger man by not answering her phone. She will approach a man in a bar and not wait for him to make the first move. She will indicate what she wants from the relationship. She will openly share her sexual needs and desires. She isn't worried about losing the man if she expresses herself.

As seen on Huffington Post: Cougars: The Truth About These Sex-Hungry Ladies

A proud cougar reveals the top 10 myths and truths about older women dating younger men. I'm a card-carrying cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For the past 4 ½ years, I've been dating a man 15 years my junior. In addition to my personal experience, I host an Internet talk show called LoveEncore. It's about dating, sex and relationships the second time around. I've interviewed guests and experts about the subject of older women dating younger men, and noticed that these episodes received more views than any other by a landslide. I've received a plethora of questions and comments from all parts of the world on this hot topic. I'd like to de-bunk cougar myths and give the facts as to what dating a younger man is really like.

The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity—particularly the true hotties—as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men

Myth #1: A cougar is the hunter who preys on the innocent younger man.

Fact: Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type," such as preferring blondes to brunettes. I've discovered that somewhere along the way those attracted to cougars have had a prior positive experience with one. A cougar exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often it's the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator—in fact, it's the quite opposite.

Myth #2: A relationship between an older woman and younger man isn't viable, he'll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Ashton and Demi!

More from YourTango: Why Men Prefer Older Women In Bed [EXPERT]

Fact: Wrong! Ashton and Demi's problems were less about the age difference and more about her insecurity and his infidelity. Demi Moore may have set the stage for the "Cougar Era", but her self-esteem issues were not consistent with those of the typical cougar. The older woman who attracts a younger man is young-spirited. She gets bored with older men who many times lose their "joie de vivre" as they age. She's independent and spontaneous which fits well with an energetic younger guy. Cougars like their freedom and younger men are more apt to be comfortable in a less traditional relationship. Ashton was unfaithful because he's a cheater.

A proud cougar reveals the top 10 myths and truths about older women dating younger men.

Myth #3: A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common—for example they like different music. He's probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

Fact: When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. He's developed a taste for fine wine, since it's one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. Cougars have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth #4: The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has a brood.

Fact: This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children.

Myth #5: A cougar won't fit into younger man's social circle or vice versa.

Fact: The couple may experience some negativity especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I've personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth #6: A cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man.

Fact: Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. Any woman will age over time—probably not as gracefully as a cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality as much as her looks.

Myth #7: An older woman will miss out on her "golden years" while he's establishing his career. She'll want totravel and socialize which won't work with his schedule.

Fact: The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.

Myth #8: A younger man finds women his age to be sexier. They have less wrinkles and weight from pregnancies.

Fact: Men find cougars sexy regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. The energy of a cougar is very alluring to the younger man. Sex is usually an area where this couple excels.

Myth #9: Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother. Parents will resent the older woman for thwarting their son from having children.

Fact: Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.

Myth #10: A relationship with a cougar isn't viable and won't last over time.

Fact: This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years with the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.

Debunking 10 Cougar Myths

I'm a card-carrying Cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For the past 4 ½ years, I’ve been involved with a man 15 years my junior. In addition to my personal experience, I host an Internet talk show called LoveEncore. It’s about dating, sex and relationships the second time around. I’ve interviewed guests and experts about the subject of older women dating younger men, and noticed that these episodes received more views than any other by a landslide. I’ve received a plethora of questions and comments from all parts of the world on this hot topic. I'd like to de-bunk the Cougar myths and give the LoveEncore "E-SPOTS" as to what dating a younger man is really like. The "Urban Dictionary" states: "Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together." I think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men.

Myth #1:                A Cougar is the hunter who preys on the innocent younger man.

E-SPOT:            Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type" such as preferring blondes to brunettes. I've discovered that somewhere along the way those attracted to Cougars have had a prior positive experience with one. Cougars exude self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often it’s the younger man that approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator–in fact, it's the quite opposite.

Myth #2               A relationship between an older woman and younger man isn’t viable, he’ll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Ashton and Demi!

E-SPOT:                 Wrong! Ashton and Demi’s problems were less about the age difference and more about her insecurity and his infidelity. Demi Moore may have set the stage for the “Cougar Era”, but her self-esteem issues were not consistent with those of the typical Cougar. The older woman who attracts a younger man is young spirited. She gets bored with older men who many times lose their “joie de vivre” as they age. She’s independent and spontaneous which fits well with an energetic younger guy. Cougars like their freedom and younger men are more apt to be comfortable in a less traditional relationship. Ashton was unfaithful because he’s a cheater.

Myth #3             A younger man won’t be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common - for example they like different music. He’s probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

E-SPOT:             When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. He’s developed a taste for fine wine, since it’s one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. Cougars have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth #4:            The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has a brood.

E-SPOT:             This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn’t. Having children isn’t a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won’t pressure them to get married and have children.

Myth #5:             A Cougar won’t fit into younger man’s social circle or vice versa.

E-EPOT:            The couple may experience some negativity especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I’ve personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?” Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple’s choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth #6:             A Cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man.

E-SPOT:             Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. Any woman will age over time - probably not as gracefully as a Cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he’s usually there because of her personality equally as much as her looks.

Myth #7             An older woman will miss out on her “golden years” while he’s establishing his career. She’ll want to travel and socialize which won’t work with his schedule.

E-SPOT:            The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.

Myth #8:            A younger man finds women his age to be sexier. They have less wrinkles and weight from pregnancies.

E-SPOT:            Men find Cougars sexy regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. The energy of a Cougar is very alluring to the younger man. Sex is usually an area where this couple excels.

Myth #9:            Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother. Parents will resent the older woman for thwarting their son from having children.

E-SPOT:            Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.

Myth #10:            A relationship with a Cougar isn’t viable and won’t last over time.

This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years with the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.

This was posted in YourTango and Huffington Post

10 Differences Dating A Widow Vs A Divorcee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xKxFP1EMKE Six months after my husband died, I decided to venture out into the single’s world. I sauntered into a swanky downtown Chicago restaurant with a divorced female friend. She left me perched on a bar stool to go to the restroom. I stared at the glassware on the shelves behind the bar and a guy suddenly appeared, “So when did you get divorced?

I replied, “I didn’t get divorced.”

He said, “Well where’s your husband?”

Never one to pass up a good line, I said, “Six feet under.”

That resulted in a jaw dropping, confused, uncomfortable, pitiful facial expression, as he stammered, “I’m so sorry.”

I blurted out, “But I didn’t kill him!”

This opened the door to a litany of questions: “Do you mind if I ask what happened? Do you have kids? Was that very difficult for you?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I mumbled.

The next question was a shocker, “Do you mind if I ask you how long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

My response without missing a beat, “Twenty-four hours.”

That interchange was my initiation into the “Planet Single Bar Hopping Phase.” I later entered the “Planet Single Dating Phase.”  Here are 10 tips to understanding the differences in dating widows vs divorcees: 1) Divorcees didn’t have a happy marriage otherwise they’d still be married. Widows had a happy marriage – or at least they only remember the happier times. 2) Divorcees have spouses who are regularly involved in their children’s lives. The spouse helps with decisions about the kids; attends their sporting events, theater performances, and weddings. Widows don’t have co-parents to rely on, but also don’t have listen to their opinions on child rearing. 3) Divorcees get a break from parenting if they have shared custody. Widows have a full time parenting gig. 4) Divorcees may get some ongoing financial support for the children and/or alimony payments. 
Widows may have inherited life insurance, but it’s typically a one-time payment. 5) Divorcees may have hostility towards the ex and perhaps the entire female/male population. Widows generally have a favorable opinion about the opposite sex. 6) Divorcees may feel relieved to be single again and eager to jump back into dating and sex. Widows may feel abandoned by the death of their spouse, and reluctant to try new relationships. They may feel guilty about being disloyal to the deceased if they date a new person. 7) Divorcees have to deal with an ex who may be a pain in the butt. Widows don’t come with the ex factor baggage. 8) Divorcees may compare the new person with the ex. The new partner may feel the need to prove that he/she is different than the ex. Widows will talk about their deceased spouse, and this can be annoying. 9) Divorcees likely didn’t have the best sex life towards the end of the marriage. They may be excited to be with someone who enjoys sex and wants to be intimate again. Widows in happy marriages may have had a decent sex life and want to have it again. 10) Divorcees frequently have had family & friends who sided with one spouse over the other. Widows’ family & friends may be happy to include the new person into their lives or it may be hard for that guy/girl to walk in the shadow of the deceased.

Can widows be happy dating divorcees and vice versa? Absolutely, knowing the history of your partner’s past is key to a successful future relationship.

Let’s Talk About Sex

I’m reading “50 Shades of Grey,” whispered the blushing 60ish woman waiting for her nails to dry at the salon. “What’s it about?” I asked. “It’s about a girl with an older guy who’s into bondage and other kinds of S and M sex,” she replied. “Sounds like my kind of book,” I answered as I whipped out my phone to make a note of it. Shortly after that, I began hearing my friends discussing the book too. My friend, B downloaded it on her Kindle and began reading it on an airplane. She said she was so nervous the person next to her could see the large print, that she kept her arm covering it the entire trip. My friends’ husbands and boyfriends all claimed not to have read the books, but somehow were able to discuss certain explicit scenes in graphic detail. Everyone started to buzz about the books – mothers were sharing books with their daughters. My 80-year-old mother-in-law read the entire trilogy. The president of our temple brought it up in his appeal for funds stating, “We spend money on things like, “50 Shades of Grey,” which I’m certain every man in this room feels is money well spent.”

What took women so long to start talking about their fantasies and kinky desires? Guys have no problem talking about how they regularly masturbate or how they fantasize about younger or older women. I have always been comfortable talking about sex with practically everyone - except my parents. I remember getting my first vibrator back in college. I proudly showed my sorority sisters the pointy nose and little rabbit ears on my pink vibrating toy. I found tremendous pleasure reading books written by authors like Nancy Friday about women’s sexual fantasies. I gave copies to my close friends for holiday gifts a few years back, and although they rolled their eyes at me, I know they read them cover-to-cover. Sex is fun and talking about it is fun too. It’s a lot more entertaining than discussing news, weather or sports. One of the main causes of divorce is sexual incompatibility. The first step to solving this problem is to talk about it.

People are afraid to talk about sex and what they want from their partners. I’m here to say, TALK ABOUT SEX! Bring it up at when you go out with another couple for dinner. Ask them if they watch porn together. They may be shocked to hear that you tried it, but later they may decide to give it a whirl. If something worked for you such as using a small bullet vibrator during sex, why keep it a secret? Let’s keep the 50 shades revolution rolling and talk about sex. It’s not a shady subject anymore!