Choose Your Face Over Your Ass

Are you over 40 and still trying to be ultra thin? Here are 10 reasons why you should think twice. I've always agreed with my sorority sister’s favorite saying, "You can never be too skinny or too rich." I rationalized that being uber rich might have its problems, but I would deal with them while traveling throughout the world on my yacht. However, as I passed my 40th birthday marker, I began to question, "Can you be too skinny?" I looked in the mirror and concluded that her theory on never being too skinny had some serious drawbacks. Sure, when you're super skinny, you'll be able to fit into your bikini from 1975, and slide into your size two jeans with ease, but these advantages come at the expense of something far more valuable — YOUR FACE!

After a certain age, you will need to make THE CHOICE. What's more important…your face or your ass? After extensive personal research, I've determined that my face is by far the winner. Click here for a video demonstration, and read on to discover ten reasons why you should choose your face vs your bum.

1) You can see it in your face. Has this chain of events ever happened to you? You step on the bathroom scale, see a weight loss of a few pounds, leap in the air with excitement, go to the grocery store, bump into a friend and she exclaims, “Wow you lost weight, I see it in your face?" Your face is always the first place that looks thinner, not your thighs, waist or butt. Your mug looks longer, creases form on your cheeks, and the skin under your chin starts to sag. You appear older — not the look you were going for.

2) Big butts do not lie. We are now in the age of the Beyonce & Kardasian butts. These two women have revolutionized the whole "Does my butt look fat question." People are even getting butt implants! This is life altering for those of us who've always tried to minimize their derriere. Thank you, Beyonce for making it a plus to have a plus sized prime beef rump roast.

3) Say no to bony butts. Along with the aesthetic value of a bigger butt, it helps to have a little extra padding there if you happen to fall down. As we get older, a boney bum can turn into a broken tailbone if you happen to slip on some ice. A little cushioning provided by a few pounds can help soften the blow and save you a lot of physical therapy.

4) Fillers are painful. Botox and other fillers for your face are costly and painful. Having a little fullness in the face gives a smoother look with fewer wrinkles. You can avoid the frequent trips to the dermatologist by eating that extra piece of pizza and letting your face enjoy the benefits.

5) Say no to plastic surgery. To take it one step further, you'll be able to postpone a facelift or other surgical procedures that tighten your skin. You also won’t walk around looking as if you are perpetually surprised or resemble Kim Novak on the Academy Awards 2014.

6) Your face is the most important part of your body. Your face is what people look at 90% of the time. Who walks around backwards? As long as your job isn't a docent at the museum and you're not inclined to do the moonwalk, your face is what's seen the majority of the time. You'll want it to look as smooth and wrinkle free as possible.

7) Eating is a pleasurable experience. You will be able to enjoy a good meal with friends rather than splitting a side salad and drooling over everyone else's entree. What could be more frustrating than eating a few pieces of lettuce and a green bean while everyone is gobbling up their scrambled eggs and bacon? Your face will have a big smile on it when it’s well nourished.

8) It takes too much time and energy to be on a diet. You won't have to plan your meals in advance and be in a constant state of hunger. Your face will not have a constant frown with worry lines from the stress of not eating enough green leafy vegetables and indulging in too many carbs. You can sleep comfortably and won't have nightmares about eating a piece of cheesecake.

9) Choosing your face will definitely help your mood. You won't be irritable and stressed about gaining a pound or two. People won't be bored listening to what your latest fad diet is and how much weight you've lost. You'll be a happier person — and so will they!

10) Having a flat ass doesn’t help your sex life. Your partner might hurt his hand giving a little love tap to your boney bum. Some men say, "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin." Yes, men seem to like a fuller bottom.

So, what's it going to be? Do you want to live your life, trying to look like a runway model with an eating disorder, or would you rather pinch a little more than an inch and enjoy your youthful plump face. The choice is yours! Don't forget what Sir Mix-a-Lot says, "I like big butts and I cannot lie."